Friday, July 25, 2008

Feeling The Love

Today, it was my turn again to pick Jesse up from school. I was running 15 minutes late and was still only on the way. And so I call the wife for a consult.

"Oh my God," the wife mocks me. "You're such a lousy father!" she said with an evil cackle. She was having a field day getting back at me.

Meanwhile, I was a little worried that my boy might start to panic when I didn't show up at 11:45 am. People say kids have this inner clock that tells them when their lousy fathers are late, which in turn launches them into a panic attack. But thankfully, Jesse was all happy and cheery when he saw me. But I figured I would explain myself anyway.

"Daddy was doing so much work," I explained. I further went on to assure him I did the best I could. He listened intently. "Daddy ran to the car like a crazy person and quickly drove here to pick Jesse up!"

He looked up at me, whimpered like a grateful little puppy and cradled my left arm, nesting his head upon it appreciatively. Then he smiled as he repeated after me, "Daddy ran like a crazy person to pick Jesse up". And with that little gesture I could truly feel the love.

My little boy loves me for just showing up. *sniff*

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

True Lies

"Ko-Ko Norman kicked me," Jesse lamented, "and I'm very upset."

Mommy had taken Jesse along with her to a friend's place and our little boy had been looking forward to it all day. Norman is 3 years older than Jesse, but he's a sweet little boy who had always accommodated Jesse. That is, until yesterday. Apparently.

"Norman didn't kick," Anie, our maid explained. As it turns out, Norman didn't touch our boy. He had merely refused to let Jesse play with one item in his stash and our son was miffed. I turned to Mae for confirmation and despite not being on the scene, she too felt that was probably what happened.

This troubles me.

Is our son framing Norman? Was Jesse so pissed off that he decided to seek revenge by framing an innocent kid? Where did he even learn to do that? He's barely 4!! Or could there be some truth to his story? I questioned him over and over and yet, he maintains his story.

I'm at a loss at how best to handle this. What if he was telling the truth? Shouldn't a father give his own son the benefit of the doubt? On the other hand, if I did believe him and he was lying, would this be the start of his life of crime?

*sigh* I don't know what to do. Maybe a little Chinese Water Torture will get some truth out of the boy.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Up Yours (Anwar's Song)

Hey assmonkeys, here's a song for today to go with your serving of Famous Anus (see previous entry). Sung to the tune of "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz. Oh BTW, if you think Mraz sounds like "more ass", I'm sure it's just coincidence. So, anybody wants to make an MTV? :)
UP YOURS (Anwar's Song)

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you got me ar-rest-ed
You said I saw your crack
And that I've been at your back
Before your stools done run out
You'd been up to your worst-est
Nothing's woulda stop me but divine in-ter-vent-ion
And then came the guys in black - bala-cla-vas and guns

(And) now I'm back in jail, oh no, oh no
I have to say, "Up Yours"

I said open your mind and see like me
But you opened up your ass for the world to see
Did you sell your butt to get love love love love?
Did they get to you and offer you for-tune and fame
And did they make you fa-mi-ly?
Why you did it, only God knows knows knows

I won't he-si-tate no more, no more
I gotta say, "Up Yours"
(Don't) take this lit'rally, oh no, oh no
When I tell you, "Up Yours"

Do-do-do-do-do-you, would I do-do-do-do you
Do you think I'm horny
Scooch on over further dear
Someone will play with your rear.
So-de-bop-bop, Whoaa....

I've been doing too much for too long, to be back in the slammer
You bending over forward just to try to get me closer
To get me to pop your ass - that just makes me laugh
I guess what I be saying is I have no de-sire
To rape your sorry ass and set my own on fire
If that's my plan, I won't run for P-M

(And) now I'm back in jail, oh no, oh no
I have to say, "Up Yours"

I won't he-si-tate no more, no more
I gotta say, "Up Yours"
Don't take this lit'rally, oh no, oh no
When I tell you, "Up yours"

Friday, July 4, 2008

Flavour Of The Month



In other ass-related news, I have a cousin whom we sometimes call Anal Rampage. I can't remember why, but I think it had sometime to do with some porn we found in his keeping. We stopped calling him that for years now cos we eventually moved on to other things, but with all that's been going on lately, I feel inspired to reunite the boy and his name. :)

And that's the end of that subject. I know I'm a little behind time on this one, but hey, what are you gonna do? Anyway, I'll be back. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

I could go on. But I'll spare you.