Cerita Dongeng Merdeka

Suatu hari di sebuah warung bawah pokok di Empayar Melaka, abad ke-14. Laksamana Tuah bersama kawan karibnya, Tun Bendahara berduduk di bawah pokok menikmati teh tarik Mamak dan kuih Nyonya.

Tun Bendahara: Tuah, sepanjang malam aku tak tidur terfikir pasal si-Jebat tu. Tak terlantas aku kau sanggup membunuh dia.

Laksamana Tuah: Aiya Tun, lu tak faham lah. Kita mia olang cakap, manyak pantang kacau olang lain mia bini. Itu Jebat sudah... um... bo tua bo suey! Sultan mia gundik pun belani usik. Bikin malu keluarga Hang mia nama.

Tun Bendahara: Itu yang tak masuk akal, Tuah. Jebat tu kan adik kau sendiri? Kan orang putih cakap selalu cakap, "Blood is thicker than water"?

Laksamana Tuah: Adik da aanchua? Lu ingat jadi wa mia adik apa pun boleh bikin kah. Sekalang, wa bukan kerja sama sebalang olang tau. Wa mia bos, Sultan lah. Itu apa... belut... tikar...autar... olang putih mia cakap. Kita cakap, "Biar mati adik, jangan usik gundik!"

Tun Bendahara tidak berbalas. Beliau teringin sangat menegur Tuah pasal Bahasa Melayu Tuah yang cukup menyakitkan telinga, tetapi takut. Setiap kali si-pahlawan ini dipukau semangat patriotisme, dia suka hunus menjulang keris saktinya.

Laksamana Tuah: Woi Tun, wa cakap tak betui ah? Wa sudah lama tinggal sinilah. Kalau wa talak tolong jaga sama ini tempat, lu talak tolong jaga sama ini tempat - habis lah ini tempat.

Tun Bendahara: Kau takut apa, Tuah? Kalau musnah binasa Tanah Melayu ini, engkau masih boleh balik China.

Laksmana Tuah: Bukan balik tak balik mia pasal. Saya sudah lama duduk ini Tanah Melayu sampai sekalang saya pun sudah jadi olang Melayu mah.

Tun Bendahara: Eh, apa kau cakap tu, Tuah. Habis? Kalau tempat ini tukar nama jadi Malaysia, macam mana pulak?

Laksmana Tuah: Wa mah jadi olang Malaysia lah. Senang saja. Hahahaha! Wa sumpah sama lu, Tun, ta' Melayu hilang di dunia.

Tun Bendahara menjeling mata. Beliau sudah tidak tertahan dengan salahgunaan bahasa si-Cina ini. Kawalan pengunaan Bahasa Melayu Tuah cukup menyayatkan hati Tun. Tatabahasa silap. Peribahasa tak betul. Penggunaan pepatah Melayu pun salah. Imbuhan tak kena.

Tun Bendahara: Tuah, kau nak mengaku diri kau Melayu, aku tak kisah. Tapi, tolonglah bang, gunalah Bahasa Melayu yang tepat. Boleh tak? Apa ni, "Ta' Melayu hilang di dunia"? Cakap betul-betul - Tak akan hilang Melayu dari dunia ini!

Laksmana Tuah: Habis? Kalau ini tempat tukar nama jadi Malaysia apa macam? Hahahah!

Tun Bendahara: Maka kita katalah, "Tak akan hilang Malaysia dari dunia ini"! Hahah!

Laksmana Tuah: Wah, lu manyak pandai lah Tun. Okey, okey. Saya belanja lu makan Mi Goreng India. Mali, mali. Esok saya bawak Tun pigi tengok satu cun mia Puteli, atas gunung sana... Hahahahah....

Maka dengan adegan itu, tamatlah cerita cerita kita hari ini. Dua orang kuat Melaka ketawa terbahak-bahak di bawah teduh pokok Akasia ditebing muara, menanti akan pengembaraan mereka yang seterusnya, iaitu ke puncak Gunung Ledang. Cerita 18SX itu boleh diikuti di belog ini pada Hari Merdeka 2006. Sehingga berjumpa lagi tahun depan, Selamat Hari Merdeka dan terima kasut.

Nota Kaki: Untuk peminat teori konspirasi, sila ke laman ini. Yang lain-lain boleh ke laman ini. Kepada sesiapa yang tersinggung hati dengan belog ini, says ingin meminta maaf. Tolong hantar nama penuh dan alamat e-mel anda kepada saya dan saya akan menghantar Char Kuey Teow ke alamat e-mel anda. Kepada sesiapa yang tersinggung dengan pengawalan Bahasa Malaysia saya, sila tujukan kemarahan anda terhadap Dewan Bahasa & Pustaka. Ini semua diolang mia pasai kelana talak bikin kamus online.

KeranaMu - Puisi Menjelang Hari Merdeka

Wahai kengkawan, hayatilah puisi yang saya ingin menganugerah kepada anda. Ini dia, pantun menjelang Hari Merdeka:

KeranaMu Malaysia,
jantung hatiku,
dipenuhi kebangaan.

KeranaMu Malaysia,
aku akan berbelog,
Bahasa Kebangsaan.

KeranaMu Malaysia,
aku sanggup,
menulis puisi.

Kerana aku, Malaysia,
tak malu dan,
tak sedar diri.

Ini hanya satu percubaan sahaja. Esok ada lagi. Kalau anda Anak Malaysia yang ingin bermeriah berbelog dalam bahasa kebangsaan, lawatilah laman web Merdeka Blogger dan bikinlah apa yang perlu. Sekian, tiang kayu.

Soundly Sleeping

It's been over a year now and yet every time Jesse goes to bed, I still worry if he'd wake up again.

SIDS or Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is a frightening prospect. So much so, I wake up 2-3 times a night just to check on him. Even though statistics show that kids are really only in danger of SIDS in their early days, I still get up to check. Force of habit, I guess. That couple with the information overload you get from parenting books. *sigh*

Some days, as if just to freak me out a little, the boy would sleep really still. I mean, really, really still. No movements. No sounds. Nothing.

That's when I'd prod him a little to check for reactions. Sometimes I'd lift up his arm and plop it back down. He'd move a little but would continue to sleep soundly. Heh! I bet I could lift both his hands to do the Macarena (I know how old this makes me sound, ok!) and he'd go back to sleep like nothing happened. I think I'll try that tonight. :)

The boy sleeps like a log. He gets this from his mother, I swear.

New Baby in the Family

a spanking new baby

There's a new addition to the family. Baby Danielle was born on Thurday, 25th August 2005 last week - just one day short of Jesse's first birthday. Baby Danielle is actually my Sis' and Bro-in-law's second kid, and 2-year-old Joshua Boy's little sister.

We visited them last week at the hospital. Having not held another infant since Jesse's birth, I took up my Sue's offer to carry her little girl. That's when Jesse kinda felt a little threatened. He gave me this sad puppy-dog face, reached out his arms and called out to me. "Deh-deeeeehh. Auwwaaaah!" It was the plaintive cry of desperate little boy. I taunted him a little before setting Baby Danielle down and taking him off Roma. Only a little, I promise. :)

Still, I thought that it was cute that he felt jealous. Ahhhh... there's nothing like a little jealousy to make you feel wanted. Hehhhehh...

Jesse's First Birthday

smile, and the world smiles with you

Exactly one year ago today, Jesse came into the world at 2:16 pm. Exactly one year ago, our little boy came into our world and turned it upside down. He filled our lives with laughter and tears. Our hearts with joy. Our home with love.

He woke up cheerful this morning to our birthday greetings. And we said a little prayer for him. In it, we thanked God for bringing him into our live. We thanked God for watching him and keeping him... erm... relatively safe from harm. And we prayed that God would be with him all of his life.

One year on, and Jesse still overwhelms me like he did that very first moment he popped out of Mae like a squished pimple. One year on, I still love watching him sleep and watching him wake up in the mornings. There's be days when he'd wake up happy, and others when he woke up crying - perhaps frightened by a bad dream, or disturbed by some discomfort. But everyday in his life, Mae and I always made sure he went to sleep with a smile on his face.

And if I could have one wish for his birthday today, I'd wish that he would go to bed happy and wake up with a smile on his face all the days of his life.

Happy 1st Birthday, son. May you have many, many happy birthdays to come.

Sleeping Like Logs

At 3:00 am this morning, Jesse woke up a little upset. He usually sleeps right through. Fortunately, all he needed was a diaper change.

I do the deed like a good Daddy should. Mommy gets the diaper and wipes. The boy struggles a little bit, crabby, for having his sleep disrupted. But in less than 2 minutes, we're done. And in a flash, Jesse falls back to sleep as if nothing had happened. The boy sleeps like a log. I pick him up and put him back in his crib - probably not as gently as I should have but no, he slept right through that too. I turn around and Mae is fast asleep as well.

"I can't sleep," I nudge Mae. Nothing.

"Let's have sex now," I whispered in her ear. Hehhehh. Somehow that always gets her attention. "Heheheh...awwwhoneyIwannasleep," she pleaded. "Goplaywithyourinternetorsomething..."

And so here I am, 5:30 am in the living room, wide awake blogging this and watching Oprah and Sidney Poitier talk about his first time being a daddy. Meanwhile, inside, mother and child are snoring away.

Heh. No prize for guessing where the boy picks up his sleeping habits.

Birthday Bash

Jesse turns one this Friday. As it goes, the rest of the family had been pestering us to throw a party. Mom would make a 3-hour trip for her first grandson's first birthday. Mae's parents insisted that we do something - with cake and camera and all that jazz. My siblings threatened to throw their own party if we didn't. Aunties offered to cook their specials. Uncles offered to help out. Can you believe it? All for a little kid who probably doesn't even understand what the fuss is all about.

The first birthday is a big, big, BIG thing where Chinese are concerned. Very big. Back in the olden days, they'd roast their finest pig and cook their fattest chicken just to mark the day. Neighbours and family members would come and celebrate a child's transition from baby to toddler. They'd pray to their gods and ancestors and make offerings of thanksgiving in appreciation of the child's good health. And parents had to observe all sorts of customs and taboos. These days, it's more of just celebrating and eating.

We took care of Mom early. A couple of weeks back in Taiping, we bought a nice ice-cream cake, sang the song and we all ate cake.

Last week, however, was a whole new kettle of fish. Despite our best effort to keep things small and simple, that was just not to be. Despite inviting only family we ended up with guest list of almost 40 people - Jesse's cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents, granduncles and grandaunts. And with such a big crowd, Jesse got a little clingy. So there we were buying stuff, preparing food, serving guests and pacifying the little guy.

There were so much we wanted to do but were just simply overwhelmed by the magnitude of the kid's birthday. We would have liked to invite friends. We would have liked to have games for the kids. Heck, we would have like to have shot more photos. We were so busy we didn't even manage to snap some nice pictures. *sniff*

Next year we're going to McDonald's. *sigh*

Strawberry Jam

red alert!

Jesse's got this huge red spot on his torso, the size of a 50 sen coin. When I first saw it in the delivery room, it freaked me out a little and all of my grandma's taboo stories came back to me. We Chinese folks have taboos for everything and a child's birth defects were usually a result of his parents indiscretions.

"Oh, that's a Strawberry Naevus," the doctor told me, "It'll be gone in a few years." She took a look at my pathetic, worried face and added, "Don't worry-lah!"

Turns out that Strawberry Naevus is a fairly common occurrence. It's a cluster of blood vessels gone wrong - sort of like a rebellion of the circulatory system. It's not permanent nor painful, but it is a little unsightly though. Especially if you've got one as big as Jesse's. Also, apparently 60% of the condition usually effects the face and neck. Thank God Jesse's strawberry grew on his torso instead.
So yeah, when Jesse came out into the world, he brought his own fruit. Heh. Sort of like a welcome gift for his parents. Thankfully, he didn't consider a fruit basket. Anyway, as promised, it's started to fade a little already. Our paediatrician tells us that it ought to be gone by the time Jesse turns 4 or 5.

*phew*

Big Is NOT Beautiful!

CAUTION: POLITICAL INCORRECTNESS AHEAD!!!

I've been thinking. When I tell some people I'm trying to lose weight, they tell me, "You should love yourself for who you are." For some reason, I also notice that these people are usually fat. Coincidence?

I'm a fat guy, I'll make no bones (pun not intended) about it. But I refuse to accept that I should be confined to this gargantuan body for the rest of my life. I also refuse to accept that I look good as a fat guy. Now don't get me wrong, some fat people DO look really good. Like Queen Latifah. Hot woman in a big body. But tell me the truth; do you really think that she'd look less appealing if she slimmed down to, say, Halle Berry proportions?

Women magazines seem to be pushing the "Big is Beautiful" thing. They say it puts undue pressure on girl to stay skinny, and gives rise to dangerous eating disorders such as Anorexia and Bulimia. And every time a celebrity puts on weight, they'd applaud her and say she's a good role model. Feh! Come on, aside from Karen Carpenter, how many people actually die from being thin? On the other hand, fat people are at risk from all kinds of things - cardiovascular diseases, hypertension, stroke, diabetes and a whole bunch of cancer specially dedicated to the fatties.

Women magazines have become such patronising drivel. If I weren't trying to understand women or their silly little conspiracies, I wouldn't even bother reading them. Heh! I'm kidding, I promise.

So yeah, back to being fat. I'm fat, but I don't wanna be. If you're fat and you love the way you look and feel, then fine. But if you think you would do better, look better and feel better being thin, then stop making bloody excuses and stop lying to yourself. If you think you're hot even though you're fat, trust me, you'll be a whole lot hotter when you're thin.

I lost 5 kgs in the first month that I started eating sensibly and exercising. The following month, I lost only 1 kg. Now, I hardly exercise and I'm back to my old eating habits. *sigh*Time to get off my lazy ass and hit the gym again.

The Damn Haze is Back

I woke up this morning, and looked out the window. What a beautiful misty morning it was.

Wait. There's no such thing as a beautiful misty morning in Kepong. I opened the window. I took in a whiff. Yes. It's back; our old nemesis, the haze. Visibility is probably some 700m - probably an API of 150 or thereabouts. I don't know what's scarier, the haze or that I have become quite familiar with it. *sigh*

We're doomed.

UPDATE 7:32am: There's seems to be no update anywhere - not on The Star and not on PPS. Am I dreaming this up, and perhaps blogging in my sleep? I'm closing back the windows and going back to sleep.

Mommy Who?

Jesse has learnt to say Mommy. Not Mama or Meh-Meh, but Mommy - and properly enunciated at all the right places too. So, occasionally, he'll look up at Mae and just call out to her, "Mommy, mommy!"

This morning, the boy woke up on the wrong side of bed - at 6:30 am, mind you. It took awhile for Mae and I to pacify him. Finally, I brought him out to the living room and played with him a little, if only to give Mae and extra hour of sleep.

He felt a little better after 15 minutes of quality Daddy Entertainment. And then Roma, our Domestic Management Assistant, walked in. As she did, he lifted up both his arms to her, gave her one of his effective puppy-dog expressions and called out, "Mommy!"

*gasp*

And suddenly, flashbacks of "The Hand That Rocks The Cradle" plays over in my mind, like a dark cloud of despair looming over me! Was Roma slowly replacing us in Jesse's heart? Was our child being hijacked away from us? Is she secretly feeding him some twisted propaganda!? What!??!?!...

"No, Jesse," she gently replies in her newly acquired English vocabulary, "It's Kakak." She turns to smile sheepishly at me, somewhat embarassed by the incident. Yet, it was a little disconcerting, that smile. It was as though behind the flashy, pearly whites hides a sinister little secret seething with conspiracy. *ulp*

Mae and I had better be on our toes.

Elvis Lives!

he's aliiiiiive!!!!

28 years ago, today, Elvis Presley was found dead in his Graceland Mansion in Memphis, Tennessee. He was only 42.

Elvis was a pretty big feature in my family. We all grew up loving his music. Dad, Mom, Stepmom, Jeff, Steve, Sue and I loved Elvis. Jo, however, was not a fan. She's more of a dumbass. Heh! But more on that some other day.

A week ago, we staged a little Elvis action in our church. I wrote the script with Chris with help from Julia. For the finale, a tender moment when John the Elvis impersonator sang to his wife, I chose the song, "You Don't Have To Say You Love Me." Mae didn't like it. Instead, she suggested "Always On My Mind." The audience loved it, thanks to my clever little wife.

Elvis would have been 70 today; which may not necessarily have been the best thing. See Bubba Ho-Tep if you don't believe me! Hehhheh. So yeah, he's gone but his music lives on. At least in my family. :)

Check out some backstage shots, here, here and here.

Whither Art Thou, Taiping?

doc old Taiping

We were in Taiping over the weekend to escape the haze. By now, you would have known how that went. Damn haze followed us home. *sigh* Fortunately, Taiping wasn't too bad. But this entry isn't about haze. It's about Taiping.

I grew up in this little town. Life was pretty laidback and fairly carefree. But like most teenagers, my youthful exuberance for life on the fast lane left me quite restless. Like my peers, I was quickly tempted by the bright lights of the big city. KL was such an attraction, but heck, I'd even settle for Ipoh. Why couldn't Taiping ever be a city? Why couldn't we have more departmental stores instead of the old bazaars? It seemed that progress would always elude our little neck o' the woods.
Today, 17 years after I left for KL Taiping, it seems, has finally come of age. Right here in my neighbourhood, where Kedai Gunting Rambut Rajoo used to be, a 7-11 is opening shop.

Some 20 years ago, KFC came to town. Before that, the closest thing to a fast-food in Taiping was a McDota Fried Chicken outlet. I bet no one even remembers McDota. Anyway, KFC would be the only fast food outlet for many years. Some 10 years later, McDonald's set up shop. And Taiping folks lapped up their Big Macs and Hot Fudge Sundaes. Where were you when I needed you most? Imagine being a teenager in love and not having a local McDonald's to go on dates. Hmph!

Soon after, other chains came to town. Today we have a Popular Bookstore, a Pizza Hut and now, a 7-11. Heck, we even have Nasi Kandar shops, Mamak stalls and numerous cafe serving Western cuisine. Air conditioned snooker centers are mushrooming around the town. And lately, Taipingites have caught the bowling bug. So, yes, Taiping is soon becoming a mini Metropolitan.
It's ironic how Taiping is becoming the kind of place I dreamt of as a youth. But now that I have spent so many years in KL, I long to return to that Taiping I once knew. A place where we once ate curry mee along the 5-foot way of old Victorian shophouses. A place where our neighbourhood grocer used to deliver our perishables and even stopped by for a cup of coffee. A place where they gambled on fighting fishes and rainfall at the coffee shops.

I miss my Taiping. *sigh*

Animal Children

I've been thinking. Apparently, more and more girls are named Joey these days. Joey, in case you didn't know, used to be a boy's name. Short for Joel. Which is a funny statement in itself since both are 4 letters long. But I digress.

So now we have boys and girls named Joey. But hey, did you also know that a baby kangaroo is also a joey? Which brings me to my next point. When Joey grows up, can we call her Kangaroo? Hehh.

How about Kid and Kit? Do these guys grow up to be Goat and Fox? What about Pinkie? Does she ever grow up to be Mouse? And don't forget Colt. He might someday grow up to be Horse. Or worse yet, Donkey. And who can forget the great western sharp-shooter, Billy the Kid? Did he ever grow up to be Goat the Goat? Hehhheh...

Okay, that was a lame Friday evening post. Apologies to Joey, Kid, Kit, Pinkie and Colt.

Haze Haters In KL

There's a new kid on the blog. If you haven't already discovered Haze Haters In KL, then go there now. Brownie the Colleague From Hell keeps bugging me to post a photo since the blogger is a friend of hers. But it is a nice little blog which may, perhaps, archive all our grouses, visually. And so I'm plugging our new blogger friend. Here's what they have to say:

We want a proper page to display all the pictures before we can ask our Indonesian friends to have a proper look at it. So this is a temporary site. But send your pictures to laychkoh@gmail.com and barrieo@gmail.com now, and we will do the rest. Remember, think of it as a Pictorial Petition. Spread the word!

Uhm... okay. End of plug. Now go fire up your cameras and submit your pictorial protest to Hazehaters.

I'm thinking perhaps the blogger should gives us some guidelines - like the size of photos to submit. That would help standardise the look. Damn, I'm so anal with these things. *sigh* Okay, okay, go, go!

Smoke Gets In Your Haze

Last night, as we closed shop for the day, I saw a couple of colleagues firing up their Marlboros at the corridor. "Dammit, you guys are not helping," I scowled at them. "We're fighting fire with fire!" the wise-ass of the two replied. As I walked on, I realised they weren't the only ones. It was the same with the other offices in our building. All the smokers were out on the corridor contributing to the haze.

And then I remembered. Smokers can't really help it.

At the peak of my smoking career, I was sucking up three packs a day. I was pulling an all-nighter one night when I felt a sudden urge to light up. Unfortunately for me, it was 3:00am and there was nary a cigarette in sight. I had done all 3 packs that day and now when I needed it most, I was all out.

And so I sank to new depths. I scavenged the ashtrays for half-smoked butts. And when I found one, I dusted off the ash and dirt and stuffed it between my lips and fired it up. I dragged down hard and the putrid smoke of a stale cigarette filled my black, tar-laden lungs. It was as vile as you could imagine - stale smoke in my lungs, ash on my lips. It wasn't my finest hour, but I didn't care. When you gotta smoke, you gotta smoke.

The haze must be the worst we've gotten this time around. I'm not sure if it might help but if millions of Malaysian could quit smoking right this minute, maybe the haze will lighten up a little. So, quit now. Do it for your country. If there was a better opportunity to show your patriotism, this would be it. And just in time for Merdeka Day too! Heh.

And say, if you're in the midst of quitting when the urge hits, you could always drag in a few lungfuls of the haze.

Home-Made Riches

kaya raya!

Last Saturday, Mae and I had dinner at Paramount Garden with Jesse and Roma in tow. Mae and I were busy stuffing our faces with some nice Hokkien Bee Hoon when a lady approached our table and stood by my side, "Would you like to buy some home-made Kaya?"

I turned to look at her but before I could even say a word, she quickly wrapped up her sales pitch, "Okaythankyouverymuch!" and walked on to the next table. I was stumped! And from what I could see Mae, with strings of noodles hanging out of her open mouth, was equally flabbergasted. The poor woman. She must have been turned down so often that her response had become quite automatic. Either that or she just didn't like my face. By the time I regained my composure, she had walked on to the far end of the coffee shop. I waved her back.

"You did not wait for me to answer," I smiled as charmingly as I could to break down her defenses. "I'm so sorry," she apologised, "but some people don't like to be disturbed when they're having dinner." She was right, of course. People do tend to swat off salespeople, as though they were flies. And occasionally, you'll even find the extra-rude ones who just plainly ignore you as if you didn't exist. They're the ones who continue about with their business and don't even turn to look at you or tell you, "No."

Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Especially not anyone trying to earn an honest living.

We bought a small tub of her Kaya. As I paid her I told her, "You shouldn't have to apologise for trying to make a living." That night, Mae and I went home and ate Kaya. And as we did, we realised that the lady owed nobody any apology. For she made the finest Kaya we had eaten in years. Hopefully, she may find success in her venture.

I Don't Like To Sleep Alone

Mae has been bugging me to let Jesse sleep in his own cot for awhile now. "It's about time he learnt to sleep on his own," Mae explained.

"But I slept in my mother's bed till I was 12 and look what a wonderful guy I turned out to be," I protested. Truth is, I have grown accustomed to seeing out little boy sleeping in between us. There's just something comforting seeing Mae and Jesse sleeping peacefully by my side.

But Mae puts forth a good argument. Let's just say it doesn't take to much to convince me that Jesse belongs in the cot.

And so, on Tuesday, we let the little guy sleep in his cot at the foot of our bed. It was disconcerting to see him sleeping there all on his own. What if he got frightened in the middle of the night? What if he woke up to find his parents not by his side? Would he ever think that we have abandoned him?

I didn't sleep well that night. Neither did Mae. But Jesse, on the other hand, slept like a... erm... baby. And just like that, we're in our third night tonight. So far so good. If this keeps up, I'll give the boy a great big reward.

I was thinking, a baby sister might be a good reward for a good little boy, no? *ahem*

Women Are Shallow Too

I've been thinking.

My wife, along with millions of womenfolk around the world, say men are shallow. "You men only go for attractive women," and so the women scream. And elsewhere, ugly women of the world slip into oblivion. But are men really shallow? And what of women? Don't women want a good looking partner too?

I was speaking to a female colleague about this just yesterday. And I formulated a theory. Heh. The way I see it, both women and men go for looks - one way or other. The difference, however, is that men are honest about it. You see, when men are confronted with the prospect of ending up with a less-than-attractive woman, he says, "Euwwww! No way, she's bug-ugly." Now women on the other hand, when put in a similar situation, will merely say, "Uhm... sorry, no chemistry."

Chemistry? What kind of a crappy, non-committal, half-assed answer is that anyway? Trust me on this, even if they guy was ugly enough to scare the red out of a baboon's ass, I assure you he has chemistry oozing out of his crevices.

Let's be honest here, people. We all go for looks. After all, do you really want to be looking in the eyes of an uggo every time you wake up for the rest of your life? The good news is, cliched as it may be, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. So even if some people think you look like evolution skipped you by, chances are there's someone out there who'll appreciate your... erm... raw, masculine looks.

A lot of people think that Mae is way out of my league. And they're probably right too. But fortunately for me, for some reason or other, Mae saw something in me. Kinda like how Belle saw something in the Beast.

Yup, there's hope.

Family Photo

meet the family

No, no, no, it's not our family. These are the Soongs. They're the family in which our church play revolves around. It's Jesse's first acting stint though his role is only confined to this one appearance - on this photograph. Dad is played by Chris Chin, Mom is Ariel and Sis is Sarah. If you think Jesse looks a little blur, it's because he was. "Who are all these people!?"

A Little Less Conversation is our offering for this year's drama thing that my church has been doing for the last 5 or 6 years now. This time around, we're doing a light-hearted comedy musical centred around a man going through a bout of mid-life crisis who's only solace is in the King of Rock & Roll. Heh! Chris Leow and I wrote this with a little help from Julia. And if you didn't already know it, I'm a huge Elvis fan. Also, if you don't know it, it's my first stint as a playwright, so don't expect too much. :)

Our drama thing is open to public and is a yearly affair for our church - just to get people to step into our church and find out that, "Hey, church isn't as stuffy as I imagined it to be!" :) As such, seating priority is given to non church going folks. So, if you'd like to come, do call our church office at 03-78031526 and see if there are any seats left.

So there you have it. A story of life, love and rock & roll! And when you do see it, do drop by here and tell me if you liked it or if you thought it sucked.

Pasir Pinji Chee Cheong Fun

scratching a seven-year itch

Seven years ago, I met a woman who would change my life forever.

Okay, okay. So maybe our encounter wasn't quite as life-changing as I put it, but she did introduce me to what she considered the best Chee Cheong Fun in the world. "It's so popular, you actually have to take a number," Favourite used to tell me. Favourite was a bit of a tease. She'd tell me all about it but never ever offered to buy some back, or even to take me to the place. And so I waited for the day that I would indeed savour the finest Chee Cheong Fun on the planet.

After seven years or longing and waiting, that day finally came.


Thanks to our Ipoh guide, MaiLing, we got there quickly enough and true to Favourite's words, we had to take a number. "You're 25, we're serving 19," the old lady snapped. "If you can't wait, don't eat," she added. I had waited 7 bloody years. An hour or two wasn't gonna hurt. And so to kill some time, I explored around the place. The first photo is the price list. You pay only RM 1.30 for a small plate. A large was RM 1.80 and an extra large would set you back only RM 2.20. Cheap! The place was bustling with people and the ladies were putting together a takeaway order. Some crazy guy was buying some 25 packets of the stuff.


Elsie and I went round to the kitchen. There we found an old gentleman making his delicious Chee Cheong Fun. "You're not the press, are you?" Uncle asked. "I don't want this coming out in any newspaper," he said. We assumed he didn't want to have to deal with a surge in patronage that might come with a press report. I assured him we weren't the press but I never promised I wouldn't promote his place. Good food was meant to be shared, and if I had to suffer doing it then suffer, I will!!!

The process looked simple enough. Just like he'd always done in the last 55 years, Uncle spreads a sheet of cotton over a steamer. He then brushes off any crease and proceeds to pour a rice flour batter over the thing.


He then sprinkles bits of cooked dried shrimps on the Chee Cheong Fun, after which he closes the lid and let the rice sheets steam. When it was done, he takes out the entire cotton sheet and scrapes off the Chee Cheong Fun on to a metal table. There, he sprinkles a little oil over the Chee Cheong Fun and proceeds to cut them into smaller sheets of six.

From here on, his wife takes over. She chops the sheets up into thing strips (like fettucini), drizzles a little oil over it. She then tops up the thing with sesame, fried shallots and pickled green chillies. The dish is finally served with a combination of a sweet and a hot sauce. I tasted a little curry oil in the dish, which I must say lends a nice, spicy aftertaste. The noodle is smooth and tender, and the cooked dried shrimps provides a nice contrast to the texture. Excellent stuff! Definitely worth the one and one half hour we had to wait.

I can't really direct you to the exact spot, since I don't know Ipoh very well. The place operates in the front porch of the proprietor's house, and it's at 1456 Pasir Pinji 5, Ipoh. This is gonna be a bit of a dilemma when I need to go back for more. *sigh* Anyway, if you're anywhere in Ipoh, do make the trip. But please, don't tell them I sent you. ;)