Thursday, June 26, 2008


It was a dreary Tuesday afternoon and I was on the way to a client when I decided to call Mae.

"So how was Jesse today when you picked him up?" I asked the wife.

"What!?" she replied. "Didn't you say you were gonna pick him up!?!?" She was all in a flurry now. By now, my voice resonated with shock and concern. "But... but you said you would," I stammered.

"Wait a minute," I regained composure, "you're kidding me, right? You picked him up, right?"

"NooOooOo I didn't!!!"
she shrieked in panic. It was 3 o'clock and we had forgotten to pick up the boy from school. The poor kid was probably feeling like his parents had abandoned him.

Or so it seemed. Heh.

Every now and then, I do take some time off from work to pick the boy home from school, whenever Mae and her mom can't do it. I enjoy it. And of course, every now and then, I also enjoy taking some time off my busy schedule to screw with the wife's head. Heheh. She loves it when I do it.

You can almost hear the affection in her voice when she said, "Don't ever do that to me again, you ass!"


Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Kungfu Healing

I've had a pain in my back for years now . It isn't so much a pain as it is an annoyance - y'know that feeling that something just ain't right? So, last year I decided to visit a Chiropracter.

I went into the room for a consultation, and got just that. Mr Fancy Pants Chiropractor made me stand up, sit down, and touched my back gingerly, and ascertained that I needed to have my spine straightened. "But not before you get an X-Ray," he advised as he wrote out a prescription for an X-Ray which I would have to get from a lab somewhere else. "Thereafter," he continued in his upper-crust, schoolmasterly tone, "you come back here and we can get started." But I would have to come back yet another time before he would treat me.

So it was, one trip for a consultation, one trip to the x-ray, one trip to get Bones to look at my X-ray, and finally a trip to get my back fixed. "One more thing," he added as I headed out the door, "treatment will be over the course of a few visits!" With that, I decided then that I would suck it up and live with it instead.

Then, my brother Jeff introduced me to his friend, Erik. Erik's father had been the founder of Hap Kune Do style of martial arts, and junior had picked up the family trade. Here was a guy who could kick your ass out of its joint and pop it right back for you. You'll be surprise how much kungfu he's got hidden behind that cheery demanour of his.

It was amazing. He cracked my entire spine with a couple of his kungfu moves and then some. That was Saturday. Yesterday, I went for one more round and I'm all good now. But most of all, I love how it was all a straight-shooting, no-bullshit, man-to-man deal. This is what the world needs - instant relief. Not more appointments.

Got a bone out of place? Look Sifu Erik up. RM 60 only.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


I've been to Malacca a few times, but I can never find my way around. That, in itself, is an adventure. I once turn circles in Malacca for a couple of hours before I could find my way out of the damn place, but that is a story for another day. Today, photos!


Jeff was in Malacca for work and so he joined us. He claims to know his way around but the best he could manage for a dinner venue was the Malacca Chicken Rice Balls. Unfortunately it was the tourist trap place instead of the good one across the street which was closed at night. The dinner was crap. Jeff sucks. But Jesse loves him, so we let him stay on. :)


For our after-dinner entertainment, we got aboard the Taming Sari Tower. It was basically a vessel revolving around a long pole some 10 storeys up. It beats the crap out of riding on a glorified ferris wheel, I'm sure.


The following day, the wife cleverly suggests the zoo and from that point on, Jesse was determined to visit the zoo even if it killed his father doing it. The zoo is 3 times the size of Taiping Zoo, but alas, only half as pretty (though Mae insists it's better). We walked our legs off for two hours.


That night, Jeff redeems himself by taking us to the Portuguese Settlement for seafood. We invited Jason Mumbles to join us, but he had to work. Thankfully he gave us a good tip. Eat only at Stall No. 1. Stall No. 1 is the Sea Terrace and everybody eats here. Stalls numbers 2-10 try their darnest to get us to eat at their place. One guy from no. 6 even claimed to be from Sea Terrace. Sneaky bugger.


The Portuguese make some excellent crabs. This one's a Pepper Roasted Crab. It was so delicious I ate two whole crabs on my one. Reminds me of a time when I fell for a Portuguese girl back at school. Except that she gave me lots of crap, instead of crabs. Hah. Look, I made a lame joke.


On the last day, we decided we would do the whole tourist thing. We visited the Flor Del Mar. Then the A'Famosa. And then everybody got tired. Jesse never gets tired, so Daddy takes him and Kakak Anie up the hill to see St. Paul's Church. Meanwhile, Mommy and Grandma wait at the foot of the hill.


St. Paul's Church was cool. Despite the fact that everyone died and the place was in shambles, you could almost feel the richness of it's history. I was choking with emotion looking at the ruins. Okay, I lied. That was the heavy buffet we had at Everly Hotel.

After that, we proceeded to the Museum of Islamic Civilization. There, they dedicated an entire wing to display our elections - complete with election paraphernalia and photos, as though our electoral process was anything worth celebrating. *ahem*

After that it got pretty late, so we left for home. And that was our Malacca trip. Jesse enjoyed it so much, he wants to go back to Malacca. But for him, Malacca just meant Everly Hotel where Daddy took him swimming. :)

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Idiot Char Kuey Teow

There's a roadside stall in Taman Bukit Maluri, Kepong, where a husband and wife team serves up a pretty good Char Kuey Teow among a few other things on his menu. So good that their signboard audaciously reads, "Famous Fried Kui Teow" - weird spelling and all. Which is fine, except that the guy who fries the noodle really annoys the crap out of me. On most days, he can whip up a good Char Kuey Teow, but some days it can all turn to shit.

Case #1
Some days the guy runs out of shrimps or fails to get them at the market. This annoys me no end. How a CKT guy can run out of shrimps is really beyond me. To make matters worse, he doesn't tell you. Instead, he substitutes with chicken meat. Who the hell puts chicken in Char Kuey Teow!??!

Case #2
There have also been ocassions where the guy just takes off in the middle of the morning. Sometimes to take a dump. Other times, just to take a walk. Now believe me, I can deal with this. In anticipation of good food, I have been known to display the perserverance and patience of a monk. What I cannot deal with is when the wife decides to fill in for her man. She fries Kuey Teow as if she were flogging her stepchild. "Let's fry this bastard until it's all limp and lifeless!" *sigh*

Case #3
Today is the most annoying. Now I've always known this guy to have a short attention span. You can tell when you talk to him. But c',mon-lah, it takes no more than 3 minutes to fry a good plate of Char Kuey Teow. Can't you just stay focused for just 180 seconds, dammit!??


Today, I'm sitting there patiently waiting for him to do his thing. It's 8am and I'm the only customer at the time. He starts by frying some garlic. The fragrance wafts through the air, teasing my palate. Next, he throws in a few fresh shrimps and I hear the rhythymic crackle of the boiling oil in his wok. It's all going beautifully when suddenly, an idiot shows up and starts up a conversation with the guy.

"Excuse me, where do you get your cooking gas from?"

And Mr. Famous Fried Kui Teow decides to entertain him, ignoring the wok. My breakfast was at risk and an idiot wants to know where the gas comes from, and stupid Kuey Teow man thinks that the conversation is more important than my breakfast. Who the hell cares about gas!?!?!? Meanwhile, my Char Kuey Teow overcooks in the wok.

"Hey, you cook first, we can chat later," the idiot tells the guy. But no sooner than that, as the CKT Man turns his attention back to his job, the idiot pops another question. And another. And another. And my Char Kuey Teow goes to hell from this point on. The guy scoops up everything on to my plate and suddenly realises that he had forgotten to add in the cockles. And so my overcooked CKT goes back into the wok for another round of torture.

By the time I get it, everything is dried and overcooked. The beansprouts are limp, the shrimps are harden, the cockles dry and the egg burnt. It annoyed the shit out of me, but I ate it anyway, cursing every mouthful. Seriously, if you cannot stay focused on your job for more than 3 minutes you have no business selling Char Kuey Teow. Sell Maggi Mee or something. It cooks in 2 minutes.

If you haven't already guessed it, CKT is a big deal to me. OK. Rant over. Regular programming resumes. :)