Friday, December 29, 2006

School Boy

Come Wednesday, 3rd Jan 2006, Jesse will begin an exciting (hopefully) chapter in his life - Kindergarten. I'm anxious like hell cos we've never left him alone in the company of strangers before. So we don't really know what to expect. Anyway, tomorrow Mae and will have to attend the kindie's Orientation Day which should manage our expectations quite a bit.

Wish us luck. :)

Thursday, December 28, 2006

The Science of Chinese Mothers

I remember vividly during one of our Ante-Natal classes before Jesse came about. Dr. Musa, a Pediatrician popular amongst many parents, was addressing the class.

"You Chinese mothers are obsessed with water," he said, venting out in frustration at how the Chinese always insist on feeding their babies water. "There's water in his milk," he reasoned, half pleading in his last ditched attempt to talk some sense into the predominantly Chinese crowd.

I shook my head in pity. Poor Dr. Musa fails to understand that the Laws of the Universe will suspend itself for the Chinese Mother. Allow me to present my short thesis on Water & the Science of Chinese Mothers.


The chemical composition of water is dynamically altered when combined with any powdered beverage, especially baby milk formula. Under such a circumstance, water no longer retains its property as a radical and is rendered ineffective as a hydrating agent. The effects are similar in any instances where good flavour is added to water. The opposite is true when bad flavour, such as the bitterness of Chinese herbs, are combined with water. As a conclusion, any water that taste good can never be considered water by the Chinese mother, while anything that is crappy is still water.

Exposed to extreme cold temperatures of 0°Celcius and below, thermodynamics dictates that water transforms, abandoning its liquid characteristic to attain its new solid form of ice. Consumed into the human body and exposed to body temperatures of 37°Celcius beyond the melting point of ice however, does not transform this new substance back into water. Therefore it should be rejected any notion that suggests the consumption of ice is equal to the consumption of water. Water in any form that may be fun can never be considered water by the Chinese mother.

The Chinese human body is composed of more than 70% water, and therefore no consumption of water may be adequate for the Chinese infant or child. The ideal balance for the Chinese child would be a biological composition of 99% water and 1% child. Water in any quantity less than overly-abundant can never be considered sufficient.
In the interest of your general well-being and to ensure a continued supply of sex at home, the Chinese father must quickly embrace The Science of Chinese Mothers. Coming next, The Intellect of Chinese Mothers-In-Law, a short thesis that debunks the myth than any medical or nutritional degree may surpass the wisdom of the average Chinese Mother-In-Law.

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Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Disciplining the Discipliner

Just last Friday, Jesse had gone to bed as usual at 11-ish. It was a relieve that he finally slept, as I had only had an hours sleep the night before.

At 4am, he woke up crying. He was having a bit of rash and it was causing him a lot of discomfort. We swabbed him off with Calamine Lotion and it was all okay again, except the boy decided that since he was already up, he would spend his waking hours fruitfully, with a dose of Barney.

"Just for awhile, ok?" Mae laid down the law, and our son was happy as a lark. After watching for about a half hour, Mae decided that he should go back to bed and that was when all hell broke loose. He screamed and screech and started tugging at Mommy.

Mae brought out a plastic ruler and warned the boy to shut it, but at that point, he was already way in over his head - bringing that very same head down onto our parquet flooring in successive thumpings. Mae lashed him twice on the arm and he cried even louder, protesting the injustice that was upon him. Then he started biting and gnawing at his Barney doll. And that's when I intervened.

"If you don't like Barney anymore, Daddy's gonna throw him away!" I warned. He stopped. Then he headed for the door and started yanking at the door knob. I warned him to stop but he ignored me. Then I brought to plastic ruler down on his arm, lightly but firmly.

It was the first time I ever hit him and I immediately hated myself for it. It broke his heart and he turned to his mother for solace. He cried his eyes out, and I, mine.

"Don't let your son see you like that," Mae assured me what I had done was the right thing to do. But it didn't make me feel any better. It certainly didn't make the tears stop flowing from my eyes. I felt terrible. As it is, due to my work, he doesn't get to see very much of me - and it seemed like what little time I had with him, I spent it beating him.

It took only a short while for Mommy to lull him back to sleep but for me, the rest of the night was hell.

Not my finest hour, I know. I guess this whole parenting thing is a lot tougher than it looks.

Thursday, December 14, 2006


About a month back, we decided that it might be a good idea to start Jesse at a playschool in 2007. This, as ideas go, is fine except for one small little niggle - our boy is not toilet trained.

"I'm taking off his diaper," Mae proclaimed authoritatively. There was this look of sheer determination and rebellion printed on her face, much like those Che Guevara t-shirts you see at Petaling Street. That look meant I should shut up.

Needless to say, this is all very alien to Jesse. And so, we have had our fair share of minor accidents all over the house, as well as the Mother-In-Law's. Me, being me, I found it all very amusing; but let me tell you that finding poop all over your expensive Persian rug is no laughing matter. *ahem*

We try to schedule the boy's fecal activities but alas, that's as easy as predicting the next lightning strike. Put him on the pottie, and Mr. Poopie is no-show. Take him off and, well, you know the story. For some reason, taking a dump in a receptacle was just too weird for the boy.

Then, yesterday, for no reason at all the boy decided, "Ahh, what the heck," and let it all out into the pottie!!! There was cheering and clapping and high-fives throughout the land. Jesse is finally getting the hang of it. With any luck, he'll be good and ready come 2007!

Monday, December 11, 2006

Temper, Temper

Mae tells me our boy has a bit of a temper. But it was only today that I experienced it for my own. And let me tell you that it wasn't some mild stomping of the feet - we're talking some full blown, serious Emily Rose shit!!!

We were on the way out of the house today when the boy decided he'd rather be watching Barney instead. And when Mommy said no, the boy started gnawing on the VCD. Mae grabs the disk and slaps him lightly on the hand and that's when it started.

He screams at the top of his voice, wailing for justice, and threshing all over the floor. Then he starts trying to rip his shoes off his feet. And when I tried to carry him out, he grabs on the door frame. After a whole lot of tugging and pulling and kicking and screaming, he finally calmed down when I managed to divert his attention.

To be honest, I'm not sure I know how to handle this. I can't be diverting his attention all the time when what he really needs is a little disciplining. *sigh*

That Barney - he's the tool of the devil, I tell you!

Tuesday, December 5, 2006

Ugly But Adorable

candid jesse

In my mind, and that of Mae's, Jesse is the cutest little boy on the planet. And as though it was some weird fringe benefit of parenthood, people around us are most willing to agree with us. Never mind if they think he looks like the ass-end of baby gorilla, they'd still say he's cute.

Still, for Mae and I, we do appreciate the way Jesse looks now. Whenever we go through some of his old photos, we'd get a shock as to how weird he looked when he was much younger. Heh! And then we realised that, hey, back then we thought he was cute too. So it's pretty safe to say that our barometer for beauty is a little out of whack. :)

I remember distinctively the day Jesse was born. The moment he popped out of his mother's... erm... body, he had this really contorted expression - his eyes, nose, lips and ears all squashed from all that squeezing in the tight confines of Mommy's womb. To make matters worse, he looks like my dad.

I know this sounds harsh, but at that very moment, my heart sank. My baby was butt-ugly. "Poor boy," I thought to myself, "we're gonna have to love him more than ever now."

Thankfully in the last couple of years, he smoothened out, grew some hair, sprouted some teeth and developed, in our opinion, a winning smile. Sure, our kid is no beauty pageant finalist but at least he's no longer hideous. Thank God for that.

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