Stroke of Luck

According to The Star today, six new cases of stroke occur every hour in Malaysia. This is a bitch, since I have a slight problem with hypertension.

Imagine. I could be here one minute updating my blog, and suddenly, feeling the onslaught of an impending stroke, I quickly write a blow-by-blow account and hit the "PUBLISH" key just before I keel over from a stroke. What a drama that would be. Heh. Heck, I'm thinking movie rights, fame and fortune, except that I probably won't enjoy all of that very much.

But don't hold your breath. I am on medication. I've also been exercising like a good boy. And I try to maintain a stress-free life. And like any hot-blooded (and high blood pressured, ha!) man, I make the most of it.

Mae: (annoyed) Did you replace the water filter like I told you?
Me: Huh?
Mae: (more annoyed) I knew you'd forget... why can't you be more... yadda yadda yadda... nag nag... lousy no good... yadda...
Me: (convincingly) *gasp*... can't breathe... too much pressure... ugh!
Mae: (sympathetic) Oh, my poor darling husband... let me massage you...

Ahh, with the fun I'm having, I might just live forever. :)

Dirty Tricks to Wake Your Kid

Kids, like most adults, are not really morning people. The difference is when adults wake up feeling like shit in the morning, we suck it all in, grin and bear with it cos we have to. Kids don't have to bear with anything.

Which is why some kids wake up in the morning all angry with the world. And the rest of the morning goes downhill for them. Their bath water will feel like crap to them. Breakfast will be unbearable. School will be torture. And poor Daddy and Mommy, who will have to deal with all of this, gets a bonus of bad mornings to top off their already bad morning.

Then comes Clever Daddy. (Drumrolls please, *ahem*)

Clever Daddy wakes at 7:00am. It's a shitty mornings like all mornings, but today there is a sweet smell of ingenuity in the air. Daddy does this thing - the bath, the brush, the shave and the shit. Then lo and behold, it is now 7:30am. Clever Daddy picks out a nice Barney DVD, pops it into the player in the bedroom and waits for the show to begin.

As the annoying strains of "I love you, you love me" fill the room, Unsuspecting Child is gently awoken by the sound of his freaky purple best friend. Clever Daddy then swoops down on Child and blows a raspberry on his tummy. Daddy and Child break out into laughter.

And there was joy throughout the land. Once again, the world was spared the melancholy of another crabby kid. Hurrah!

Sick But Not Quite

I can't decide if I'm sick or not.

I slept all evening yesterday and I pretty much slept all morning today. And I still feel like shit. But other than that, I don't have any other symptoms. No sore throat. No runny nose. No cough. Heck, not even a fever. Sure the nose feels a little congested and the bones ache a little but nothing I can really pinpoint.

Everybody tells me I should go see a doctor.

Problem with that is, most General Practitioners give you medication to heal your symptoms. Unless you have a fever - then they might prescribe some anti-biotics. If I went to the doctor, she'll probably charge me 60 bucks, speak to me in a condescending tone about getting some rest and give me some feel-like-shit pills.

I have feel-like-shit pills at home. They're called Panadol. They don't cost RM60 and I can wash it down with beer if I like. All this while the wife lovingly strokes my hair as she feeds me chocolate ice-cream. Hurray for DIY doctoring. :)

Sexual Awareness

Perv mommy blogger, MOTT, is compiling a catalog of the sexual history of her male readers. Since the subject is one that warms my... erm... heart (*ahem*), I shall oblige. On with the survey:

• At what age was your first sexual awareness?
  I remember I was eleven when I first became physically, sexually aware. Needless to say, at such a tender age, it was a hard time for me. Heh!
• Were you embarassed or curious?
  Since "excited" is not presented as an optional answer, I shall have to say curious. To make matters worse, I grew up in a household of women and I didn't have such a great relationship with my grandad so I was pretty much left to my own devices. Or device, if you like. Embarassment came soon enough when I started having dreams of a... erm... liquid nature. That was both nerve-wracking, because I had no one to confide, and strangely enjoyable, because these things usually are.
• At what age did you like the same/opposite sex?
  I found enjoyment in the company of the fairer kind at 12, going on 13.
• Did you have someone teach you about sex?
  I learnt about sex at 13 the way most boys my age did - from friends. There was a friend who drew pictures. At that same time, my older brothers also began exposing me to the wonderful world of pornography. I didn't think much of it at the time, being mostly preoccupied with the show, but I think perhaps my Dad put them up to it. That was pretty much my formal education in the birds and the bees.
• Was it your parents?
  Mom didn't teach me very much about sex. She probably still thinks I'ma virgin. Heheh!
• If not, would you have wished it were your parents?
  Of course not. Not the very graphic version that I had learnt it, anyways!
• Any thought on the matter?
  I think all kids should have some clues as to what to expect from their bodies in the coming (no pun intended) days. To not prepare them would be too cruel. But no worries anyhow, cos nature always finds a way.

I have more to say about the subject of sex education, but that shall be a post for another day. :)

Working Class Heroes

As of last week we became, once again, full-time working parents.

Mae had been on hiatus from the workforce for about a year. In that time, she had been pretty much a full-time Mommy to Jesse. Her day had been pretty much filled with activities for him. Daily trips to the mall (which I'm sure is every woman's dream), visits to Grandma's and the ocassional walks to the park with the boy. Over the last few months, her schedule also included ferrying Jesse to school and back.

Fortunately for Mae, there was Roma to take care of the chores.

However, this arrangement does take it toll on our finances. Though we weren't exactly hand-to-mouth, we could no longer afford little luxuries like weekend getaways to nice little places. Or nice breakfasts in posh places. Or more toys for the boy. And then there was the little apartment in which we live - which has gotten a little too small for our family.

Then an opportunity came which allowed Mae the opportunity to go back to work. In all honesty, I'm relieved. At least now we'll be able to save some money for a new house and even set aside some for a rainy day. Unfortunately for Jesse though, he'd be seeing a lot less of Mommy. For now, thankfully he doesn't seem to mind.

As for Mae and I, we'll be slaving our asses off for awhile until she makes tonnes of money. And then I can be a homemaker. Go window shopping. Watch lots of television and DVDs. KEkekke! Wish me luck, people!

Tumpang Bahagia

Recently some friends came up to me and recruited me to help out with this great idea they have for an e-shop. Here's an online shop with a slight difference - it's not an auction like eBay or Lelong. In fact quite the opposite. It gathers people together to share a bulk purchase so that everybody can go away happy with a discount. Everybody's always happy with a discount. :)

The concept is a little complicated for the everyday internet user. So, to help explain Tumpang better, the boys at Tumpang have come out with a nice little event. Cheap movie tickets to Spiderman 3 at Cineleisure Damansara! Uwaaah! Is that Fantastic or what? And tickets start from as low as Four ringgit! BTW, Spiderman 3 was my suggestion (very strong suggestion, mind you) cos I'm a sucker for people in colourful tights. AHahhahh!

Anyway, if this goes well, guess what I'll convince them to do next? :) Two tickets for the first person to guess right! Clues are in this post.

Check it out on our blog. Or go straight to the Movies@Tumpang page.

3 Little Words

Yesterday as Jesse was about to go to bed, he looked me in the eye, gave me a little monkey smile and said, "I love you, Daddy".

That was yesterday. Today, I'm still grinning ear-to-ear.

Love in Spurts

Occasionally, Mae and I have one of those soul-searching, mind-bending conversations. Okay, okay, most other times we just talk rubbish, but last night, it was one of those.

"Do you think that it's possible to love someone in one continuous flow over time," I ask the wife, in a moment of brilliance, "or do people love each other in little spurts and spatter?"

"Well?"

"Erm..." this was a tough one for her.

"C'mon," I demanded, "which is it?"

"Erm... you answer first lah!" It was a cheap shot, cop-out answer. It was also the kind of non-commital answer you would expect from a lawyer. (Yes, honey, you can sue me for that if you like... Hahha! ) But there in her non-answer, was her answer.

I don't think humans have the emotional capacity to love one another without taking a break. Admit it, I'm clever and you agree with me. :)