Idiot Char Kuey Teow

There's a roadside stall in Taman Bukit Maluri, Kepong, where a husband and wife team serves up a pretty good Char Kuey Teow among a few other things on his menu. So good that their signboard audaciously reads, "Famous Fried Kui Teow" - weird spelling and all. Which is fine, except that the guy who fries the noodle really annoys the crap out of me. On most days, he can whip up a good Char Kuey Teow, but some days it can all turn to shit.

Case #1
Some days the guy runs out of shrimps or fails to get them at the market. This annoys me no end. How a CKT guy can run out of shrimps is really beyond me. To make matters worse, he doesn't tell you. Instead, he substitutes with chicken meat. Who the hell puts chicken in Char Kuey Teow!??!

Case #2
There have also been ocassions where the guy just takes off in the middle of the morning. Sometimes to take a dump. Other times, just to take a walk. Now believe me, I can deal with this. In anticipation of good food, I have been known to display the perserverance and patience of a monk. What I cannot deal with is when the wife decides to fill in for her man. She fries Kuey Teow as if she were flogging her stepchild. "Let's fry this bastard until it's all limp and lifeless!" *sigh*

Case #3
Today is the most annoying. Now I've always known this guy to have a short attention span. You can tell when you talk to him. But c',mon-lah, it takes no more than 3 minutes to fry a good plate of Char Kuey Teow. Can't you just stay focused for just 180 seconds, dammit!??

..........

Today, I'm sitting there patiently waiting for him to do his thing. It's 8am and I'm the only customer at the time. He starts by frying some garlic. The fragrance wafts through the air, teasing my palate. Next, he throws in a few fresh shrimps and I hear the rhythymic crackle of the boiling oil in his wok. It's all going beautifully when suddenly, an idiot shows up and starts up a conversation with the guy.

"Excuse me, where do you get your cooking gas from?"

And Mr. Famous Fried Kui Teow decides to entertain him, ignoring the wok. My breakfast was at risk and an idiot wants to know where the gas comes from, and stupid Kuey Teow man thinks that the conversation is more important than my breakfast. Who the hell cares about gas!?!?!? Meanwhile, my Char Kuey Teow overcooks in the wok.

"Hey, you cook first, we can chat later," the idiot tells the guy. But no sooner than that, as the CKT Man turns his attention back to his job, the idiot pops another question. And another. And another. And my Char Kuey Teow goes to hell from this point on. The guy scoops up everything on to my plate and suddenly realises that he had forgotten to add in the cockles. And so my overcooked CKT goes back into the wok for another round of torture.

By the time I get it, everything is dried and overcooked. The beansprouts are limp, the shrimps are harden, the cockles dry and the egg burnt. It annoyed the shit out of me, but I ate it anyway, cursing every mouthful. Seriously, if you cannot stay focused on your job for more than 3 minutes you have no business selling Char Kuey Teow. Sell Maggi Mee or something. It cooks in 2 minutes.

If you haven't already guessed it, CKT is a big deal to me. OK. Rant over. Regular programming resumes. :)