T-Rex vs B-Rex

Over the weekend, we had Jurassic Park on TV. Since Jesse likes Barney, who is supposedly a dinosaur, I figured he would probably enjoy seeing some "real life" dinos in action. Besides, I was intrigued as to how he'd take to less wholesome, less colourful dinosaurs. And so I turned down the volume a little, braced him close to me and we sat down to watch.

He really got into it, pointing to the screen when T-Rex made his debut. "Dinosaur," he said, as if to explain to me the proceedings over the idiot box. "Like Barney," I replied. Heh. He was loving it. Even when Big T flipped over a jeep to get to the couple of kids. "Naughty dinosaur, trying to eat the kids," I narrated. He grinned from ear to ear, as the dinosaur terrorised its human co-stars. And then, as the movie goes, the kids get away safely. When T-Rex exits, Jesse turns to pick up his Barney plush toy.

Suddenly, out of the blue, he flings Barney onto the floor and glares angrily at the purple plushie pedo. I hugged him close and asked why he was so upset. But since Jesse is a boy of few words, I'm left to wonder.

Perhaps, it pissed him off that T-Rex's scene was over. Or perhaps he was just mad that T-Rex never got to finish his job. Then again, it could even be that he was upset at the unfair media portrayal of his best friend as a bloodthirsty carnivore. Who knows?

That was also about the same time killjoy Mae gave me a look of disdain that pretty much said that I might have scarred our boy for life. Okay, okay, I'm a bad parent. But I always know how to fix things.

"Let's go watch Barney, yaayy!!!" I cried as I grabbed Jesse's favourite Barney video and headed for our bedroom away from the heat outside. "Yaaay Barney," cheered the little boy, all happy again as he followed me excitedly to watch yet another episode of B-Rex.

Battle Of The Wills

At his age, Jesse is able to understand what we say, though he may not necessarily understand why we say it. Still, as far as conventional parenting in the Tan Family is concerned, it means he's all ready for a good spanking every now and then.

Last week, we sat down to dinner and Jesse got a little difficult. For whatever reason, he decided not to partake of our food. He took a small bite of his hard-boiled egg and he decided that that was enough eating for the day. Despite our pleadings and coercing, the boy decided it was time for TV instead. And so the drama began. The boy wanted TV, and we wanted him to eat. And so we caned him on the palm. I doubt it it really hurt, but Jesse cried his eyes out anyway.

In the end I laid down the law - no food, no TV. I marched him off to bed, fully expecting him to buckle and eat some egg. But, no, it was not to be. This was a battle of the wills and I think the boy understood that to give in meant to give up his rights, his freedom and his way of life... perhaps forever.

And so my little freedom fighter put on a brave front, sucking in his snot and wiping off his tears and trotted off to bed. As he did, he turned around for one last wistful look at our lifeless idiot box and said in a sorrowful little tone, "Bye-bye, Barney."

*sigh*

We have no idea where he gets his strong will. His melodrama, however, is definitely his mother's.

Still, for some warped-out reason, I have newfound respect for my son. Either he will grow up to be a great leader, or he'll end up in jail. Hahah! Let's hope it's the former.

5 Reasons

I don't do a lot of memes on my blog. And for a good reason too. Whenever anyone tags me, I go on over and read about the meme. Then I start composing my thoughts in my mind, articulating every thought, constructing ever sentence and accentuating every nuance in every word. This goes on until next Tuesday when my brains suddenly implode, wiping out every shred of memory of the said meme.

Heh! Anyway, since MOTT's tag is still fresh in my mind, I have decided to do it. On with the show:

5 REASONS WHY I BLOG

1. I like to show off my powderful England. See me juggle multiple adjectives! Watch me tame that dangling participle! Witness as I split infinitives!
2. I am an attention-seeking whore and this blog is an extension of my ego. And it's all for you. Now you can kiss the spot that I blog on and worship me. Bwahahah!
3. I forget stuff and the wife is always trying to pull a fast one. "No honey, we haven't had our anniversary dinner yet." Now I have proof recorded all over the internet. Take that, honey!
4. I have a son whose father is destined for greatness. This blog records their every exploit and will someday provide a great resource for Daddy's authorised autobiography.
5. I love women, and this blog allows me to get in touch with so many of them from all over the world, too! Imagine what it does to my libido. Heheheh!

There! Now you know. I'm supposed to tag five people but I'm too lazy for that.

Emotions In Motion

Everything about Barney creeps me out. The purple suit, that pedo voice, and the way he likes to jump about. And despite me having very little love for this Purple Prince of Paedophilia, his creators found it necessary to further torment me with their threat of a lawsuit not so long ago. Ugh!

Unfortunately, Jesse (the little traitor) is completely enamoured.

It started awhile back when an ex-colleague Pinky bootlegged a copy for me. "He'll learn plenty," Pinky twittered. Maybe it was the fact that she raised 3 kids on Barney, or perhaps it was her mesmerising... erm... twitter(*ahaks*), I was sold. And along with me, my boy too.

One year and some 20 Barney VCDs later - all originals, mind you - Jesse actually learns stuff. Lately, he's begun to understand the concept of emotion, thanks to Barney's Happy Mad Silly Sad VCD. And he puts it to good use too.

Whenever we made him eat, or if we stopped him during his favourite activity, he'd put on his saddest little puppy dog face and say in his saddest voice, "Sad". Occasionally the little monkey would tell us that he was angry. And it seemed like he only felt sadness and anger in our care. Heh!

Then one day last week, while we were sprawled all over the floor drawing pictures, the boy gave me a nice little surprise. "Happy face," he said, smiling from ear to ear as he presented to me his masterpiece. And that brought a happy face, to my face.

And maybe I don't hate Barney that much anymore.



"smile" by jesse tan, 2007

Exodus

It's that time of the year again. As much as I love the festivites of the Chinese New Year, I really dread the mad rush home. A 3 hour trip home could end up lasting some 8 hours or more.

Now, I can handle the long drive. Heck, even my bladder has been trained to withstand long hours of no taking a piss. But the poor little wife and the son are made of softer stuff. *ahem*

Anyway, thanks to work, I am leaving at the last minute this year. Which also means I'm gonna be caught in some jam somewhere. I'm trying to strategise this as best I can, leaving at the exact moment when the roads are most clear but since there is no exact science on the subject, I'm not terribly hopeful.

I'm planning to depart at 5am tomorrow. I expect traffic to be minimal - lorries should have done their routes by then, while the average joe would still be asleep. You can also help by not crossing my path from 5am to 8am. Do that and I will appreciate you for the rest of my life.

Thank you for reading.

Freestyling

mommy administers the "penan" cut

Jesse's been kicking up some major fuss at the hairdressers and so we figured we'd try to do his hair ourselves. With pretty devastating effect too, as you can see here. Unfortunately for our boy, the only hairstyle we can manage is "the bowl". Oh well, that ought to teach him a lesson for being such a fussy little monkey.

I did his first haircut some 2 months back. He started screeching and screaming when I approached, scissors and comb in hand, probably fearing for his life. In a moment of genius, I decided to alleviate his fears by giving him a pair of scissors of his own to play, while I did the deed. Worked like a charm too. That is, until he decided to try snipping his own hair himself. Haha.

I was considering giving him a little trim for the Lunar New Year, but I figured I didn't want him to have tragic photos of only his third new year. So, this year he's going home to Taiping looking like a cute little Beatle. Or a tiny little Bruce Lee.

Can somebody say "celebrity haircut"?

Driven

who's gonna drive you home?

Like any hot blooded little boy, Jesse loves cars. And so on his 2nd birthday, Mae and I decided that he might get a big kick out of having his own little car - battery operated covertible and all!

Unfortunately, everytime he steps on the accelerator, the car moves. Never mind that cars are supposed to behave that way, it just simply freaks him out. In fact, many things seem to freak him out as he grows older.

He never had problems with slides. Now he does. He used to climb up and down furniture, now he's afraid of falling. He used to run excitedly towards escalators but these days, he worries that he might be sucked into the gears below. He also hates it when we try to put coins into his kiddie rides. I have no idea why this is. You'd think he had some traumatic experience with these things.

His nice (and bloody expensive) little car is no different. It freaks him out all the same. And so he has to be chauffered. And since there is no way a little car like that is ever gonna support my weight, Mae takes to the task.

At least we got some cute photos out of this. :)