Last Friday I was at work when Mae calls. "Roma got possessed," Mae was flustered and frantic, "she was writhing on the floor, crying and wailing!"
Apparently, Satan had invaded my mother-in-law's home. Despite the pious woman's daily devotions to God, His age-old nemesis had struck. Mom-in-law brought in the calvary - her sis. Together the two ladies and Mae prayed over our demon-possessed Roma.
"I still feel an eerie presence," Roma said, having calmed down a little. Despite the prayers, this one was here to stay.
By the time we got home that night, she still felt a little strange. I knew what I had to do. It was my turn to show this demon who boss around here.
"Kita orang Cina percaya," I explained our Chinese beliefs to Roma, "kalau hantu sudah masuk, dia tak mau keluar." Once the demon has found a way in, it would never leave. Brave little Roma didn't even flinch at this suggestion.
"We'll have to violently beat it out of you," I continued. I turned to Mae and demonstrated how Master Leong Fu had shown me during my apprenticeship with him in the Shaolin Temple of Kwai Chang Caine. Grab the possessed by the neck with the Furious Dragon Gripping Claw and administer repeated blows across the face with Palm of Buddha Slap of Death.
And just like that, without even laying a hand on her, at the sound of my Thunderous Voice of Doom the devil left Roma as quickly as he had come. And the truth was revealed.
The girl had wanted to breach her employment contract to go home to her family and she decided to use the oldest trick in the book - that book being the Indonesian Maid's Dirty Tricks Guide to Breach of Employment Contract. Still, we decided not to embarrass her for her dumbass attempts to pull a fast one. No one should ever have to feel ashamed for missing home.
And so, once again, the Furious Dragon Gripping Claw and the Palm of Buddha Slap of Death will be laid to rest until a time when it is needed once again.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Monday, June 26, 2006
Shoes Blues
Jesse is growing out of his shoes faster than we can buy them. At his age, we reckon he needs new footwear every 6 months or less. As if that isn't problematic enough, the boy has developed a taste of his own.
These days, he pretty much decides what he lets us put on his feet. Fortunately for us (and himself), he's got pretty good taste.
On an outing at our favourite hypermarket, Giant, we decide that our kid is not below wearing cheapo shoes. And so we pick out a couple of bargains - one is a reasonably tasteful pair of faux-leather sandals, and the other are plastic Spiderman flip-flops which look as cheap as they costs. Heh.
He loves the faux-leather sandal so much that he's worn it to sleep on several occasions. Now, as for Spidey, every time we try to slip it on his feet he'll scream his head off and violently kick them off.
Last night we took him footwear shopping at Treehouse (which, by the way, has some of the coolest kiddie footwear around). Every single pair of shoes we attempted to put on his feet would have him screeching like a banshee. It was a nightmare.
You know how you sometimes go to the mall and see some kid screeching at the top of his lung, behaving like a real brat and you secretly thank God that it's not your kid? And then you shake your head and wonder what dumbass parents brought up such a kid? That would be us. *sigh*
I'm considering tossing him into the jungle and letting wolves raise him. I hear they do a pretty good job. Then again, I suppose it's cos they dun have footwear to worry about.
These days, he pretty much decides what he lets us put on his feet. Fortunately for us (and himself), he's got pretty good taste.
On an outing at our favourite hypermarket, Giant, we decide that our kid is not below wearing cheapo shoes. And so we pick out a couple of bargains - one is a reasonably tasteful pair of faux-leather sandals, and the other are plastic Spiderman flip-flops which look as cheap as they costs. Heh.
He loves the faux-leather sandal so much that he's worn it to sleep on several occasions. Now, as for Spidey, every time we try to slip it on his feet he'll scream his head off and violently kick them off.
Last night we took him footwear shopping at Treehouse (which, by the way, has some of the coolest kiddie footwear around). Every single pair of shoes we attempted to put on his feet would have him screeching like a banshee. It was a nightmare.
You know how you sometimes go to the mall and see some kid screeching at the top of his lung, behaving like a real brat and you secretly thank God that it's not your kid? And then you shake your head and wonder what dumbass parents brought up such a kid? That would be us. *sigh*
I'm considering tossing him into the jungle and letting wolves raise him. I hear they do a pretty good job. Then again, I suppose it's cos they dun have footwear to worry about.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Quarantined
On Monday I caught the flu.
Since I hardly ever catch anything, I decided to spring for the full and complete package. Along with my basic subscription of the Flu, I also got a classic case of the Runny Nose, a dizzying, head-spinning Fever and a standard spell of Sore Throat. To seal the deal, I also decided on a one-time offer of an everlasting Cough .
Since it was such a comprehensive package, I decided to go for the Double Whammy Honeymoon Set so that Mae too can enjoy my momentous catch. Quickly enough, both of us were lying in bed enjoying my Flu.
I was about to upgrade to the Family Package to include Jesse when Mae decided that perhaps he was too young for such excitement. There had been several occasions when the boy had caught his very own Flu. Having proven himself capable of getting his own Flu, we decided to exclude him this time around. So while Mae and I are experiencing our Flu package in the comfort of our own home, we sent Jesse away to his grandmother's, and he's been there since Monday.
*sigh*
Mae's gone to see him cos she's all better. But me, I'm still sick like a dog. I miss my boy. *sniff*
Since I hardly ever catch anything, I decided to spring for the full and complete package. Along with my basic subscription of the Flu, I also got a classic case of the Runny Nose, a dizzying, head-spinning Fever and a standard spell of Sore Throat. To seal the deal, I also decided on a one-time offer of an everlasting Cough .
Since it was such a comprehensive package, I decided to go for the Double Whammy Honeymoon Set so that Mae too can enjoy my momentous catch. Quickly enough, both of us were lying in bed enjoying my Flu.
I was about to upgrade to the Family Package to include Jesse when Mae decided that perhaps he was too young for such excitement. There had been several occasions when the boy had caught his very own Flu. Having proven himself capable of getting his own Flu, we decided to exclude him this time around. So while Mae and I are experiencing our Flu package in the comfort of our own home, we sent Jesse away to his grandmother's, and he's been there since Monday.
*sigh*
Mae's gone to see him cos she's all better. But me, I'm still sick like a dog. I miss my boy. *sniff*
Monday, June 5, 2006
Taiping Trip In Pictures
I've been busy hence the sporadic updates. Here's a pictorial of our Taiping trip last week.
We left on a Friday. Scheduled to depart at 1800hrs but ended up leaving at 2100hrs instead on account of the rain. It rained all the way home dragging a 3 hour journey up to 4 hours. Ugh!
Thankfully, in Taiping you can always expect a light at the end of the tunnel. Mine was Char Kuey Teow at one of Taiping's very few late night hangouts - SiangMalam. This is a new discovery for me. (pardon the bad shot - the Nokia 6280 doesn't do macro)
Breakfast was one of Taiping's best-kept secret - Kai See Mein, which is loosely translated as Shredded-Chicken Noodle. It's kinda like Ipoh Kuey Teow, except we eat ours with Sambal Belacan. We had ours with side orders of Beans Sprouts and Fishballs. Taiping folks love their Kai See Mein which is why the place is always packed. Read more at Jeff's. Jeff's my brother. So is Steve.
Jesse loves it in Taiping. Our house is one of those Colonial shophouses. Grandma had it extended so it's a pretty long house - almost 300 feet long from our front door to the back. This is a picture of Jesse doing a 300ft dash.
Lunch is Fishball Kuey Teow at Taiping's Casual Market. This dish must be unique to Taiping since I swear I have never seen it served anywhere else. It's a pretty basic Hokkien-style fried kuey teow with fishballs, fishcakes and chinese bbq pork. Nice.
At night, we celebrated Mom's birthday. Jeff, Steve and I decided we'd go home together this time to celebrate early with Mom. It was a joint celebration with Auntie Aini - since her birthday fell on the same day. I called Mom later in the week and she told me that she was "sooo happy" that we all came home. *sniff* Mother's are easy. Heh! Just go home a lot, kiddies. Don't say Uncle James never told you so.
In the morning, Mae and I took Jesse and his cousins, Dhanika and Irisha to the zoo. Dhanika, the older kid, is a real sweetheart who's really taken to me. "Uncle James can I stay with you?" she says as she gives me her best puppy-dog eyes. "But your mommy will be lonely," I told her. "But I will miss you," she flashes more of her puppy-dog eyes. *awww*
Jesse never did give ice-cream a chance. I finally realised why - we don't buy enough pink ice-cream. The boy likes pink. Ugh! The plus side is, he's enjoying ice-cream now, regardless of color. I'm just glad he likes ice-cream like all kids should. I'll have to do something about the bit about liking pink.
That's it. I'm done. Work is piling up. Will be back when the dust settles. Be good, ok?
We left on a Friday. Scheduled to depart at 1800hrs but ended up leaving at 2100hrs instead on account of the rain. It rained all the way home dragging a 3 hour journey up to 4 hours. Ugh!
Thankfully, in Taiping you can always expect a light at the end of the tunnel. Mine was Char Kuey Teow at one of Taiping's very few late night hangouts - SiangMalam. This is a new discovery for me. (pardon the bad shot - the Nokia 6280 doesn't do macro)
Breakfast was one of Taiping's best-kept secret - Kai See Mein, which is loosely translated as Shredded-Chicken Noodle. It's kinda like Ipoh Kuey Teow, except we eat ours with Sambal Belacan. We had ours with side orders of Beans Sprouts and Fishballs. Taiping folks love their Kai See Mein which is why the place is always packed. Read more at Jeff's. Jeff's my brother. So is Steve.
Jesse loves it in Taiping. Our house is one of those Colonial shophouses. Grandma had it extended so it's a pretty long house - almost 300 feet long from our front door to the back. This is a picture of Jesse doing a 300ft dash.
Lunch is Fishball Kuey Teow at Taiping's Casual Market. This dish must be unique to Taiping since I swear I have never seen it served anywhere else. It's a pretty basic Hokkien-style fried kuey teow with fishballs, fishcakes and chinese bbq pork. Nice.
At night, we celebrated Mom's birthday. Jeff, Steve and I decided we'd go home together this time to celebrate early with Mom. It was a joint celebration with Auntie Aini - since her birthday fell on the same day. I called Mom later in the week and she told me that she was "sooo happy" that we all came home. *sniff* Mother's are easy. Heh! Just go home a lot, kiddies. Don't say Uncle James never told you so.
In the morning, Mae and I took Jesse and his cousins, Dhanika and Irisha to the zoo. Dhanika, the older kid, is a real sweetheart who's really taken to me. "Uncle James can I stay with you?" she says as she gives me her best puppy-dog eyes. "But your mommy will be lonely," I told her. "But I will miss you," she flashes more of her puppy-dog eyes. *awww*
Jesse never did give ice-cream a chance. I finally realised why - we don't buy enough pink ice-cream. The boy likes pink. Ugh! The plus side is, he's enjoying ice-cream now, regardless of color. I'm just glad he likes ice-cream like all kids should. I'll have to do something about the bit about liking pink.
That's it. I'm done. Work is piling up. Will be back when the dust settles. Be good, ok?
Friday, May 26, 2006
Water Baby
Jesse loves water.
Which is fine, except that he's recently discovered that there's water to be found in the toilet bowl. Every morning, he'd wander into the john just to pull at the flush. This is fine, really. There's nothing cuter than a little boy flushing away mommy's poo-poo.
And then one day the temptation gets the better of him. He dips his hand in.
Even that I can handle. Really.
And then one day, the boy decides it might be fun to splash water around with Daddy's toothbrush.
And even that, I can handle. Except that Mommy thinks it's funny.
Now, I'm trying to convince him that Mommy's got a cooler toothbrush than Daddy.
Which is fine, except that he's recently discovered that there's water to be found in the toilet bowl. Every morning, he'd wander into the john just to pull at the flush. This is fine, really. There's nothing cuter than a little boy flushing away mommy's poo-poo.
And then one day the temptation gets the better of him. He dips his hand in.
Even that I can handle. Really.
And then one day, the boy decides it might be fun to splash water around with Daddy's toothbrush.
And even that, I can handle. Except that Mommy thinks it's funny.
Now, I'm trying to convince him that Mommy's got a cooler toothbrush than Daddy.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Easy-Peasy Pizza
Hey kiddies! Today, we learn how to make your very own pizza in a toaster oven. And you thought that toaster oven your Auntie Margaret gave you last Christmas was a piece of crap.
This is the Cheater's version, of course but it taste pretty good anyhoo. And when you're done you'll feel like the king of the world. Your parents will revere your culinary prowess. Men will worship the ground you walk on. Women will want to bear your children. And children will wish they came out of your loins!
Three items are essential for making pizza - the base, the sauce and the cheese. I use a Wholemeal Pita for the base. The shape is perfect and since it's pretty much bread, it'll cook easily. Buy these at Giant, or Tesco or any good hypermarket. For the sauce, buy one of those Spaghetti sauces in a jar. Since it's not sour or salty enough for pizza, you'll need to add tomato puree and a dash of salt. Everything else is just ingredient. For yesterday's dinner, I sliced up some sausages and browned them in a frying pan - don't hope for your toaster over to cook this. Lightly fry it first.
Add some tomatoes too. Dice them up and fry them in a pan. Same principle; the toaster oven just isn't gonna be able to cook this. Anyway I'd have preferred to slice them and sun-dry them but it was late and I was hungry. Heh! Next, you'll need cheese and it's gotta be Mozzarella for that rubbery, gooey texture. No two ways about it. Mozzarella. If you try my recipe with Cheddar or those sliced cheeses, I'll come there and smack you. Smear you sauce evenly on the base, scoop in your tomatoes and sprinkle on the Mozzarella generously.
Toast it in the oven for 5-ish minutes and you're all done. Feed it to your kid and watch him enjoy it. For yourself, sprinkle some McCormack's Pizza Seasoning and think of me fondly for showing you how to do this. *ahaks* Here's a recap of what you need:
There. It even looks like a real pizza. Someone please pat me on the back, dammit! :)
This is the Cheater's version, of course but it taste pretty good anyhoo. And when you're done you'll feel like the king of the world. Your parents will revere your culinary prowess. Men will worship the ground you walk on. Women will want to bear your children. And children will wish they came out of your loins!
Three items are essential for making pizza - the base, the sauce and the cheese. I use a Wholemeal Pita for the base. The shape is perfect and since it's pretty much bread, it'll cook easily. Buy these at Giant, or Tesco or any good hypermarket. For the sauce, buy one of those Spaghetti sauces in a jar. Since it's not sour or salty enough for pizza, you'll need to add tomato puree and a dash of salt. Everything else is just ingredient. For yesterday's dinner, I sliced up some sausages and browned them in a frying pan - don't hope for your toaster over to cook this. Lightly fry it first.
Add some tomatoes too. Dice them up and fry them in a pan. Same principle; the toaster oven just isn't gonna be able to cook this. Anyway I'd have preferred to slice them and sun-dry them but it was late and I was hungry. Heh! Next, you'll need cheese and it's gotta be Mozzarella for that rubbery, gooey texture. No two ways about it. Mozzarella. If you try my recipe with Cheddar or those sliced cheeses, I'll come there and smack you. Smear you sauce evenly on the base, scoop in your tomatoes and sprinkle on the Mozzarella generously.
Toast it in the oven for 5-ish minutes and you're all done. Feed it to your kid and watch him enjoy it. For yourself, sprinkle some McCormack's Pizza Seasoning and think of me fondly for showing you how to do this. *ahaks* Here's a recap of what you need:
One Toaster OvenThere are some rules. One, use ONLY Mozzarella. Two, NEVER, ever, never use Tomato Sauce cos it's sweet and your pizza will taste stupid. Three, lightly cook your ingredients cos a toaster oven just doesn't get hot enough!
Some Wholemeal Pita
A Jar of Spaghetti Sauce
A Can of Tomato Puree
A Dash of Salt
Tomatoes, Diced and Fried
Sausages, Sliced and Browned
Mozzarella Cheese
There. It even looks like a real pizza. Someone please pat me on the back, dammit! :)
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Mama's Boy
poster boy for pizza parlors
Last week was Mother's Day and so Jesse brought Mommy to Italiannie's for some pizza and pasta. Pizza is Mae's favourite food, and evidently, also Jesse's.
The boy is at that stage in his life when mealtimes are like death sentences to him. He'll be kicking up a shitstorm and wailing his head off at the thought of having to eat real human food. At least that what Mae tells me. Apparently, Mommy and Kakak have been cooking the boy his food and he's been refusing to eat. But come Mother's Day at Italiannie's and the boy is stuffing his face with pizza.
I'm thinking maybe Mommy's cooking sucks eggs. Heh.
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