Motherparker

This is a long, whiny one!

On Wednesday, I had a presentation to do at the client's. It was 2:30pm and I had a half hour to make it there, so it was all good. But when I got to my car, someone had double parked behind me.

Now, anyone who's ever been to Damansara Perdana will tell you that parking is a nightmare. There is so little space here that people double park. But we have an unwritten understanding about this; you park behind someone, you leave your number or a namecard.

I called the number on the dashboard. No answer. I called again. Still nothing. At this point, I was getting a little annoyed. Don't block someone's car if you're got gonna pick up the phone. And then suddenly I got an answer.

"Could you move your car please," I asked, trying my best not to sound irritated. I had always thought it best to be cordial in any situation. Unfortunately, the bitch on the other end of the line had other ideas. "Hmmph!," she grunted rudely, as though I had inconvenienced her. And with that, she hung up.

Fine. As long as she's coming to get her car. I thought.

10 minutes later, I was still there, my car still blocked. So I called her again, intending to give her a piece of my mind. No answer. I called again. And again. And again. By then I was seething. And I was gonna be late for my appointment. I got my colleagues to call. Same result. I SMSed her. No reply.

"I dunno what your problem is... but you're blocking my car and I need to leave," the next message said. Still nothing. By then a half hour had passed. I pressed on the horn incessantly, until passers-by stopped to offer me advice. I told them the situation.

"Smash her window," someone said. "Scratch her car," another advised. "Get a towtruck," still another said. It was all tempting, but I was never the violent sort. And so I waited. Another hour passed. More calls. More SMSes, and still nothing.

"Go ahead and do the presentation," I told my colleague who was waiting for me at the client's. I wasn't getting anywhere and my blood was boiling. Sure, I could have just gone back up to my office and chill out, but I didn't want to miss seeing this bitch face-to-face just so I can scream at her.

In the meantime, I see suspicious characters coming out of my office building, pretending to look around, and then turning to look at her car. I could only assume that perhaps these guys were her colleagues sent to check if the coast was clear, and if she could safely move her car without anyone yelling at her. I was now even more determined to see this woman!

Finally, my cousin suggested I call the municipal council. Apparently, they can bring a tow-truck around and deal with the problem. Unfortunately, however, it was storming in PJ and the trucks were pretty much grounded that day. But the nice lady at MBPJ offered to call the errant owner of the vehicle that was blocking mine.

It was 5pm and I had waited a full 2 and a half hours. I wasn't leaving without a fight.

The call to MBPJ must have worked. She calls me and puts on this fake apology crap, "Am I blocking your car? I'm sorry... sorry!" But I was having none of her shit. "Just get down here and move your car now!" I screamed into the phone.

She comes along some 2 minutes later, and I finally see this thorn in my side. She had one of those wannabe-high-society-arrogant-and-bitchy-datin-looks, the kind of face that had been fattened and pampered by kickbacks and corruption... well, you know the type. Although this one drove a Proton Persona. She looked so hateful (probably not her fault if she was born that way), and that just drove my anger into overdrive!

"What the hell were you thinking!?!?" I yelled, my face convoluted into what was probably a horrible sight to behold. (Not that I'm the hallmark of beauty, but you know what I mean.)

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she pleaded. "I was in a meeting and I didn't have my phone!" She had the cheek to lie, despite the fact that she actually answered my call much earlier on.

"BULLSHIT!!!" I screamed into her face. "You bloody answered my call but you just REFUSED to come down! I've been waiting for you for THREE BLOODY HOURS!!!"

At that juncture, she was still trying to weasel her way out of with some bullshit story or other, sounding all whiny and snivelly which served only to further aggravate me. I was having none of that.

"Move your *bleep* car now!" I yelled. I dun like yelling profanities at a woman. I had told myself before she came down to refrain from calling her "bitch" in her face, and to omit any f-words I might be thinking about. But in the heat of the moment, I just lost it. I felt a little bad about it even as I said it, but I had a... erm... momentum to maintain. Oh well. Can't say she didn't deserve it.

As she struggled to open her door, I gave her one last good one.

"Don't you EVER park behind my car!!!" I snarled, "YOU UNDERSTAND!?!?" She drove off in a hurry. And that was that.

I would have been a lot more gracious if this had been an honest mistake, if she had really left her phone somewhere else. But this piece of shit actually answered my call. She grunted very rudely when I asked her to move her car, and that in itself is not acceptable. And to top it off, she made me wait almost 3 hours.

People like that must never reproduce.

Last of the True Taste of Taiping

ckt at its best - charcoal-fried

No prize for guessing what I ate in Taiping last week.

While most Malaysian's are familiar with Penang Char Kuey Teow, not many know of the Taiping variant of the dish. It's very much like Penang's, except ours is far superior. Heh. This is attributed in no small part to the fact that the best stalls in Taiping make their CKT on a good ol' fashioned charcoal stove, lending the dish a nice, smoky flavour. Unfortunately, it's a dying trade. Most hawkers these days take the easy way out with a gas stove.

My favourite place is no longer there. The poor lady who use to ply her trade in Taiping's Greenhouse Area, had been plagued with all kinds of health problems. Last time I was there, she was still recovering from a gallstone removal. These days, she's no longer there, and I fear the worse.

But all is not lost. In the old market square of Pokok Assam, the Fu family is still going on strong, having been here for over 20 years now, doing it the old-fashioned way. Old Mother Fu (heh!) is still doing this, and thankfully for us Taiping CKT lovers, her son, Chong, is taking up the mantle. Not nearly as good as my favourite place, but it's a good enough substitute if you're looking for that authentic Taiping taste. Open from late evenings up till 1:00am, whenever they feel like it. To avoid disappointment, call beforehand.

Go here for the GoogleMap. Call Fu at 012-562 4088.

Mother vs Wife

"If you mother and I both fell into the ocean," said an ex-girlfriend, carefully articulating her words, "and you could save only one, who would you save?" Hahah. Sure, every girl wants to know this, but it takes a special girl (namely the ones who should be enrolled into a special school) to actually ask it. But yesterday, this scenario played out in reality.

Mom had gotten her cataract removed last week. Between her boys, we all decided that we would take turns going home to care for her, and also to take her. Although cataract removals are far more advanced that ever, with laser technology, faster healing, no bandages and all, no mother can ever have enough of good ol' fashioned TLC. And so, we boys set out to do our filial duty.

I had taken a week off of work for my shift. I was all packed and ready to go when Mae woke up looking like wilted white flower in a shitstorm.

"My stomach hurts," she winced in pain, clasping her enormous belly.

Here I was, on my way to being a good son, and there she was, my wife, expecting me to be a good husband and father. It should have been an easy choice, but I was torn nevertheless.

"Ma, Mae is sick," I told her, my voice wavering in grave concerned, "I'm taking her to the Gynae. I might not be able to come back today."

I hated myself for disappointing her. I had been a shitty son for some years now, and just when I was about to make right with her, this was happening. But Mom, bless her, was bigger than that.

"I'm fine," she said. "Stay home and take care of Mae."

And so I did. I took Mae to Dr. Huam and both mother and baby are fine. Mom's fine too, cos I got Jeff to bring her down to my place so I can watch over all of them. Thankfully, Mom's follow up visit to her doctor isn't due for another couple of weeks. Jesse's happy too since he always looked forward to his Mah-Mah visiting. And so, all is well in the LoopyMeals household once again.

And yeah, back to that loaded question at the start of this post; there is only one correct way to deal with a question like this. Remember you heard it here first. :)

"I'd let the both of you drown," I told the silly arse of a girlfriend "then I can get a new girlfriend, and my mother won't be around to stop me."

EPILOGUE:
"Between my mother and you," I told Mae in mock seriousness, as we drove to the hospital, "I choose you." And despite her unbearable pain, she found the strength to answer me. "You're such an idiot!" But out of the corner of my eye, I saw it - a shit-eating grin from ear-to-ear.

Getting On My Nerves

bone, drugs & disharmony

This was me last week. Actually, only the x-rays are me. The guy is Dr William Chan and he's showing me the error of my ways. Okay, no. I'm just being dramatic. I was in no way responsible for my own pain.

I got up some weeks ago with a stiff neck. Since I've had stiff neck for as long as I remember, I didn't think much of it cos this kind of stuff usually just goes away on its own. But no. Not this time. After almost a week of pain trying to turn my head, I had the miserable shitty feeling that I was not getting better. And as though I'm not suffering enough, I win a bonus pain in my arm as well.

As it turns out, I have bone spurs on my spine. These are nasty little buggers that grow out of your bones due to wear and tear. For some reason, that has caused one of my discs (that's the rubber jelly washer thing between my cervical vertebrae C5 & C6) to swell a bit. This has cause it to pinch my nerves, which leads to a whole world of pain in my right arm at the bicep-tricep area. This brings fresh meaning to the phrase "getting on my nerves".

I get a week off. Yay. And medicine for 10 days. Boo. And I go back for some comforting therapy. Yay. Which costs RM60 a pop. Boo. But I get goof off at home. Yah. But I gotta do the exercises for my neck. Boo.

So yeah, it's been a roller coaster ride for me.

Anyway, the medicine is long gone. I have also stopped going for the therapy. But it still hurts. And yet, I've decided not to see him again, at least until I can stands it no mores! Doc did hint at other forms of diagnosis and treatment, involving an MRI scan, injection into the spine, surgery, and other painful sounding procedures.

I hate getting old.

Brotherly Love

On Saturday, we lost Jesse's jacket at the supermarket. The boy taking it off and putting on again, just for the fun of it and somewhere along the way, we must have dropped it.

On the way home, when the reality that his favourite jacket was gone hit him, he started wailing. And quite melodramatically, too. (He gets it from his mother, I swear). To further dramatise his loss, he starts imagining things.

"A baby took my jacket," he sobbed. "I don't like the baby anymore!"

We were a little disturbed that perhaps he might be laying some blame on his little unborn sister in Mommy's tummy. I had read that kids tend to feel threatened by a new sibling.

"You don't like our baby anymore?" I asked our son in the saddest tone of voice I could muster.

"No! It was another baby!" he protested, his crying now toned down a couple of notches. "Baby Madeleine is a good baby," he added assuringly and earnestly, "I love our baby very much."

It was heartwarming to hear that our little boy can have so much love for his little unborn sister. It was like the way we had loved him while we waited for his arrival. It might be a little too soon to tell, but I think they're gonna get along fine.

And incidentally, Big Brother has also decided that his baby sister is going to be named Madeleine because he's convinced that the name is wonderful for her. :) More on that soon.

Bad Moon Rising

I was reading in the papers today about a sudden appearance of thousands of mudskippers in Gurney Drive. Apparently, some experts think that this is an indication of the cleanliness of the beaches in Gurney.

GEORGE TOWN: Penang’s famed Gurney Drive has a new slippery attraction for locals and tourists – thousands of spotted brown mudskippers can be seen flipping and hopping around the 100m-long mudflat just beyond the embankment wall over the past several months. The presence of the amphibious fish is believed to be a telling sign of the cleanliness-level in the coastline.

So, thousands of these little buggers are here cos it's so clean? Or is there, perhaps, another reason? How about the 400 dead turtles washed up on Bangladesh's beaches just last week?

Dhaka, Feb 10 (APP): Thousands of dead sea turtles are found being washed ashore along the coastal lines from Cox’s Bazar to St Martin’s island in the Bay of Bengal with bruises all over their bodies. The mass circulation Daily Star, quoting locals in Cox’s Bazar reported Tuesday, over 400 female dead turtles have floated ashore over the last two weeks alone. Experts say that these turtles meet their death as they travel the stretch of nearly 120 kilometres from Sonadia Island in Cox’s Bazar to St Martin’s island to lay eggs on the shore.

And it doesn't end there. Hawaii's got some stuff up their beaches too. Although it's a monthly affair, it's a little creepy that suddenly 700 jellyfishes are washed ashore.

HONOLULU - Officials closed Hanauma Bay on Wednesday morning because of the monthly influx of box jellyfish that washed onto Oahu's south shore beaches. About 700 jellyfish were found on Waikiki Beach with another 100 on Ala Moana Beach Park, according to the city's Ocean Safety and Lifeguard Services Division.

I dunno about you, but I'm starting to think that perhaps our seafood is trying to tell us something. Philippines's got a phenomenon too with dolphins.

Manila, Feb 10 (Xinhua) More than 100 dolphins were found stranded at the coast of a northern Philippine town early Tuesday, the local media reported.

It doesn't end there. Dead whale in France! And this was just 2 days ago.

CHERBOURG (AFP) — A French fisherman found the corpse of a humpback whale caught up in his net, excited conservationists said Monday, noting that the species is extremely rare in Channel waters. "It's a historic moment for the region. You could count the number of humpback sightings off France over the past two centuries on your fingers," said Gerard Muger, of the Cotentin Whale Studies Group in Normandy.

And just 2 weeks back, hundreds of live fighting conch shells wash ashore in Florida.

It looked like an amazing phenomenon on Bonita Beach, but it was really just a quirk of nature. Hundreds of live fighting conch shells washed up on the sand this morning. Many were flapping their hard, dark foot as if signaling for help. The shells lined the beach along the dry sand and the wet sand just above the water line while even more rolled in the shallow surf just inches from the beach. “I’ve never seen it like this,” said Paul Salay of Bonita Springs, who said he regularly visits the beach.

I got a bad feeling somethings going down. It's too much of a coincidence for these things to be happening within just two weeks. I remember reading reports of marine life being washed ashore just before the Boxing Day Tsunami of '04, and I'm thinking that perhaps these events over the last couple of weeks may be some kind of warning sign.

I'm staying the hell away from beaches.

Girl Power

27 weeks and all girl

Last Friday, Doc confimed that we were indeed, without a doubt, looking at a little girl in Mae's belly. 100% sure. So it's no longer just a guess or wishful thinking.

That means we'll be buying plenty of dresses, hair clips, pink stuff, barbie dolls, chastity belt, and other girlie things. Which is a good thing. If we had yet another boy, the poor little guy will no doubt be inheriting a lot of Jesse's hand-me-downs. And the poor kid might feel a little slighted that Daddy and Mommy never gets him anything new. And that would eventually lead to resentment, feelings of inadequacies and expensive psychotherapy bills. So yeah, girl is good.

Also, it'll be a totally new experience for Mae and me. How do little baby girls behave? What do they like? How do they manipulate their parents? What do they eat? It's all very exciting.

Anyway, now that we know, it's time to get cracking on the shopping and stuff. We're steadily collecting a whole repertoire of pink things from mitts to booties, to jumpers, to towels and such. We'll also need to get bottles and diapers and a cot and car seat and playpen. All the ones we bought for Jesse have been either given away or are in bad shape.

Imagine that. A little girl of own, to complement our little family. It's wonderfulicious! Quick, quick, congratulate me again. :)