Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Old Man';s Ass

I'm not a terribly brand-conscious person when it comes to fashion and apparel. For that matter, as many who know me will testify, I'm not terribly fashion-conscious too. But, that's another story for another day.

Today, we discuss jeans.

Now, for as long as I have lived, Levi's are the preferred choice for jeans - or at least that's the propaganda I have been exposed to. Levi's are better. Levi's are well made. Levi's last longer. Levi's makes your ass look better, even for fat guys like me. It comes to a point where you don't even fight it anymore.

Until last weekend. Last weekend I decided to go against the grain. Let the lemmings wear their Levi's, I thought to myself. Me, I was gonna revolutionise my wardrobe. And so I strutted to Malaysia's favourite surplus store, F.O.S., grabbed a pair of jeans off the rack and headed for the fitting room.

I put on the new RM 39.90 jeans and whaddya know, I looked mighty fine (by my own limited standards, of course). I turned around to check out the back in the mirror when my whole world goes to hell.

There in the mirror staring back at me, was my ass, thirty years into the future. To get an idea what that looks like, go check out some 60-year old guy's butt and you'll know. Y'know the ones whose cheeks sag like a bulldog's.

Who the hell makes jeans like that?

I was so traumatised that all the way home, I has to seek constant validation from Mae on the age of my ass. "No, you don't have an old man's ass". "Are you sure?" "Yessssss-lah!"

Man. I'm never tucking in my shirt ever again.


  1. I'm bored at work and scanning through RSS feeds, so don't be shocked that I'm commenting so early! Certainly not a stalker in the making...
    Anyway before I started exercising regularly I also had such an ass. I recommend working out more often. Doing squats and lunges are a great way to tone and firm up your gluteus maximum. They're your largest muscle group - don't ignore them!

  2. I never dare to look at myself in the changing room..
    anything below the boobs, I'm not looking..
    Some how with the flourescent light and the white paint, every thing look ugly.

  3. No Zemien, I DON'T have such an ass... yet... it was the jeans :lol: But thanks for the tips. I hate squats. I try to cheat by doing Leg Presses. Hopefully that works. Hahahah!
    Zara's Mama! Hahahah... I know how you feel.
    Yes, Egghead, it's true that I come from a family of men with no asses. The jeans gave me the illusion of an ass, but a saggy one. Now stop checking out my butt, dammit, or I'll have to start avoiding you, you seefuttgwai!

  4. Does your ass hang low...
    Can you swing it to and fro?
    When you put on Levis jeans...
    Does it hang down to your knees?

  5. Hahhah... ok ok, Fanboy, you da man!

  6. Just sayin..man. Btw...I have a burning question... WHATCHA gonna do with all that junk..all that junk inside that trunk?

  7. Errr...from wot u wrote, I think Sharpei Ass fits your description better. Heh.

  8. you know having a lousy looking ass like me isn't quite such a bad thing. you don't attract "unwanted" attention if you catch my drift! heheh

  9. i get the same feeling when trying out all those hiilarious low-cut, hip-hugging jeans they produce these days. All the alamak-shitty-fats all squeezed out from all the wrong corners. blardie hell. these days, they don't make jeans for people like us anymore. i have to resort to cargo pants made for MEN!!! waistline all the way under the boobs wan, ok?

  10. Thanks a lot, Anjali! *piak*
    At my age, I'll take all the attention I can get, Ian! Wahahah!
    Oh that was graphic, Marsha. How will I ever get that image out of my head now.

  11. LOL! What old man's ass?? You don't have an ass to begin with. You are those people who are fat and yet, don't look fat because you don't have an ass. I hate you.