Wednesday, April 26, 2006


"Ti-tock," Jesse would say every morning, which is his cute little way of saying, "Sit down". Mae and I had always made sure the boy was properly seated at the sofa before we'd switch on the TV. And for some reason, those words mean TV to him now. Yesterday, I told Mae I would try and get him to say "TV" instead.

"Television," Mae corrected me. "If the boy can't say TV," I reasoned, "he won't be able to say 'Television'."

Mae is anal about slangs. If she had her way, my poor little boy would grow up speaking weirdly. Imagine expressing yourself in proper words in the corporate world, "Fecal matter! This copulating facsimile is really urinating me off!" Loses quite a bit in the translation, doesn't it?

Anyway, Jesse is 20 months old today. Unfortunately his vocabulary doesn't extend beyond a handful of single-syllable proper words and a few babytalk words here and there. And no, despite trying all morning yesterday, he still can't say "TV". I'm really hoping he'll start speaking soon, if only to hear what he has to say about not talking. Heh!

And by the way, if you're one of those people who insist on not using babytalk to kids, you better not tell me I'm raising my kid wrong. Otherwise, I'm gonna come-come there and kick-kick you in the wee-wee!

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Updating: In Short

I'm back. It's been a hectic month and I've been working like a dog. Meanwhile, here's a little update:

My paternal grandmother passed on last week. We weren't terribly close, but it still sucks when a relative goes. Because you always wonder who's next. We cremated her very quickly and it was over in less than a day.

I'm up to my eyeballs in work. Work has always played a big part in my life. When I was younger, it was a means of survival. When I got older and work got better, it paid the bills and afforded a little luxury. There was also a point in my life when work was an escape. When the girlfriend was being a bitch, I went back to work at nights. Hahaha! These days, work is just work and work is beginning to suck.

We got Jesse a haircut at the salon and the hairdresser took a little too much off. Now my kid looks like Forrest Gump. Sometimes I'd go "Run, Forrest, run!" and guess what - the boy actually runs. It cracks me up!

Jesse's cousin Joshua is celebrating his 3rd birthday and his parents are throwing a party up in Genting this weekend. It ought to be fun for the kids. I expect the adults might want to go to the Casino tonight but that's never a good idea for me. I suck at gambling and once I get into it, I lose myself and my wallet.

The battery ran out on the new wife. I was working late one night and when I left at 3-ish in the morning, the damn car wouldn't start. I knew I needed a new battery but I was so busy at work I did not have time to do even this simple errand. I left the car sitting idle at the parking lot for three days.

Some days I feel like shit and think that I hate my life. Fortunately I'm too lazy to do anything about it, like kill myself or something. Hahahah! Thank God for small miracles.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Rainy Day

We were all at Mae's folk's house on Saturday when it started raining. It got pretty heavy pretty quickly so we dismissed any plans to go out. Since I was already horizontal on the sofa, staying home was fine by me.

Jesse got a little restless and started clambering all over me, when suddenly lightning struck and a loud mother-of-all thunderclaps shook the earth. A brilliant flash of light ensued and outside, debris was flying about. And the lights went out/

That got the boy's attention and he perked up quickly enough. I hurried towards him in case the thunder was too traumatic for his young little heart. But no. Just like Daddy, Jesse is one tough little mo-fo!! Heh. Lighting had struck off a part of the roof and my boy was unfazed.

After the thunder and lightning eased up, we took off our shirts and played outside in the drizzle. Jesse held his hand out for the rain, splashed about in the puddles and played with drainwater. He loved it - squealing and screaming at this new experience.

Inside, I could sense my mother-in-law rolling her eyes right to the back of her head. But it didn't matter. I played in the rain most of my childhood and look what a fine young man I turned out to be. *ahem* Thankfully, the boy didn't catch a cold or I'll be hearing about it for the rest of my life.

Tuesday, April 4, 2006

The Danger of a Single Man

It had been a long, trying day. By 9:30pm, Roma was already feeling the effects of the day's event weighing down on her. "Why do they always kick up such a fuss whenever they travel?" Roma thought to herself. When she left her little shanty or Catihan in East Java last year, she pretty much just upped and left. No pomp. No splendour. No nothing.

As she recounted her own bittersweet journey into an unknown land so many moons ago, she drifted off into a deep slumber; into a land of dreams where she was the top two contender of Indonesian Idol.

Roma was doing her final song of the night - the judges' choice. She had slayed the crowd with her riveting rendition of Hetty Koes Endang's "Benci Tapi Rindu" during classics week and it was time for her to shine again this night. Roma stepped off onto the stage as the band began to play. Her hair was done all long and frizzy just like Hetty in her heyday and she wore that same off-shoulder number that Hetty wore on her Pop Melayu album cover. It was gonna be her night. And it was, until the unimaginable happened.

As Roma negotiated the steps onto the stage the 4-inch heel that she had chosen to compensate for her lack of altitude had come back to haunt her. She fell forward and to her horror, the microphone flung out of her hand and went "thump-thump-thump". And the cruel audience laughed their collective asses off. "Thump-thump-thump," the sound of the mike echoed. And again it went, getting louder, and louder each time.

"THUMP-THUMP-THUMP!" Roma was startled out of her sleep. It was the door!

"Roma," she hears her employer's voice from behind the closed door. He then mumbles something indistinct.

"Shit, the horny bastard wants in," Roma thinks to herself, "one night without Madam and he tries his luck!" A sense of impending doom filled her heart and quickly scrambles to pull on a sweater and whatever articles of clothing she could find.

"ROMA!" the voice behind the door was now getting louder and more agressive. "Ya, Tuan?" she asks timidly as she huddles into a corner of the room, pulling the covers over her fearful, quivering body. She wouldn't stand a chance against him, she analyses as she cursed her mother for bestowing her with a small frame and a pretty face. Yes, it was indeed a pretty face, she thought as her mind drifted back to 1999 when, at 17, she won the Ratu Cantik Catihan held during the annual harvest festival.

Her employer, however, had the makings of a large disgusting pig. And by now, the gargantuan walking pork chop was pounding at the door.

"I'll smack his fat head off into the middle of last Christmas," Roma thinks as she picks up the largest pillow in the room and hides it behind her back. She gulps down the knot in her throat as she slowly approach the door, pillow firmly in her hand. Slowly she reaches out to the door knob and twists it, opening the door with caution as it slowly reveals the great hulking mass of lard looming over her.

Her employer's lips curled into a snarl and then he spoke. "Cepat, ambik diaper," he said as he pointed to the only pack of diapers left in the entire house.

Sunday, April 2, 2006

Single Again

Mae is out of town for the week. It's the first time in four years, since we got married, that we've been apart. To celebrate commemorate the occasion, I'm throwing an orgy. Hahahahahaha!

Anyway, since yesterday was a working Saturday for me, I drop Jesse off at the in-laws and suggest that perhaps he spend the night there since I might work late. His grandparents love the suggestion so much they've decided to take him on Sunday night too.

So here I am, single again with plenty of time on my hands and not much to do. So I've decided to do the stuff Mae never lets me do.

First up is the Eye Popping 5-Day DVD Festival. I will watch 15 movies in the next few days, or until my damn eyes pop out of their sockets. Two down so far.

Next up is the 5-Day Heart-Attack-Inducing Chow Down! Over the course of the 5 days that Mae is absent, I will survive on an endless supply of Char Kuey Teow, Paan Mein, Nasi Lemak, instant noodles and anything with copious amounts of pork, or pork fat in it! Until Mae gets back or I keel over my Paan Mein.

Then there's the 5-Day Pasar Malam Stakeout where I will be covering as many Night Markets as I can find in the Klang Valley. This will usually be accompanied by the Uncle Ho DVD Shopping Spree.

One way or another, I'm so dead when Mae gets home. Wish me luck! :)