Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Things You Never Wanna Hear

Trust me on this. There are some things you never, ever wanna hear your pregnant wife say.

Number 3
"Honey, can you bring home my placenta, once I deliver?"

What is the protocol for such a thing? Are they gonna bag it, tag it and let me take it back home with me? Or do I have to bring my own Tupperware?

Number 2
"Would you cook it for me?"

Seriously. Where does one even begin? I'm thinking, this is gonna need copious amounts of peppercorn and probably a whole lot of vinegar. Perhaps we can just take it like that, with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Do they have anything on this on the Asian Food Channel?

Number 1
"You can eat some too."

Look, I am of the opinion that every woman deserves to be eaten by her man (or woman, I'm not judgemental about anyone's sexual orientation), but this is bordering on good taste and cannibalism. "No no no no no!" I protest. "I'll be good for your receding hairline," Mae hits me where it hurts. But no. I don't care if it turns me into frickin' Brad Pitt, I'm not having any, thank you very much.


I hear it's an acceptable practice to eat your woman's placenta in some parts of the world, simply because it's good for you, but the whole idea is just plain icky to me. What happens if I develop a taste for it? It'll bring fresh meaning whenever I tell the silly woman, "I love you". It'll be like an episode of True Blood, minus any of the coolness and all the beautiful people in it. And of course there is that small detail of eating a placenta as opposed to drinking blood.

Anyway, as I write this, I have a colleague who has stated in no uncertain terms that she wishes to be invited, when we eat my wife. And we talk about it as though we're discussing livestock. Hahah! This is my wife we're talking about, not some pig, dammit. (I'm fighting really hard not to make some clever remark here, just so that I can live to a ripe old age. Haha!)

So, would you or wouldn't you? State your case in the comments, kiddies!

ADDED: Placenta cooking tips, in case anyone's interested. :P


  1. Ew no! I know I wouldn't want to eat my own placenta. :S
    I'd rather freeze it for medicinal purposes (leukaemia etc).

  2. OMG! this gave me a whole new perspective of Mae... and not a positive one :P

  3. Aiyoh! But to think about it... if it cures cancer.. or maybe, if you eat it, your metabolism rate would go up and you will be thin forever.. would you?
    I have a fat friend who once said - if there is a way to be thin quickly, even if it involves eating shit, she would do it.
    Desperate people, desperate measures.

    no..no thanks.

  5. What if Mae serves it without telling you beforehand, does that help?

  6. Apparently some people freeze it, then bring it to the Chinese medicine shop to be pounded and placed into capsules to be consumed later...
    Well, you'll be joining the ranks of Tom Cruise (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-383386/Is-safe-eat-placenta.html) if you do partake in a piece of your wife...*grin*

  7. Frozen? Naoko, maybe you prefer placenta ice cream. Hahaha.
    Apparently, a lot of Chinese eat the stuff, Egghead. So don't be surprised if any of your family and frens have had a taste.
    Gina, I think the initial though of eating Placenta is gross, but if the benefits outweigh the grossness, I might just do it. Hahahah. Oh, btw, I hear it helps you lose weight... jeng jeng jeng!
    Not even Placenta Pizza, MOTT?
    Definitely, Jason. Hahahah.
    Yeah, Soo Yin, I have a beautician friend who sells the capsules. She started with Sheep Placenta, but claims that more ppl are looking for human placenta because it is far superior supplement for keeping your youth.

  8. When my dog gave birth to 7 pups late last year, I saw it ate the pup's placenta. I just stared at it, never seen anything like that before, and as I drooled in confusion (not out of craving for the same thing), I snapped out of it and asked myself: "What the hell is wrong with us mammals?!"

  9. Ways to eat placenta - chopped up and mixed with mince to make a burger? "Here's your placenta burger, honey.."
    Err.. how does a placenta look like?? And when you cook it, would it be like liver in that you have to cook it quickly or risk it being dry and rubbery?? :lol:
    Why no one asked me if I wanted my hubs to take home the placenta??

  10. You can request for the Placenta to be taken home. in fact, most of our muslim friends take home their placenta to be buried. Eating placenta though sounds more like a food fad thing rather than having any obvious health benefits. Its actually just a LOT of blood and hormones . . . and the smell . . . :(

  11. Hahah... I guess our more primal mammal cousins know something we don't, Langkau.
    I hear it's livery, Kat.
    Surely there must be a shred of truth in there somewhere Janus. Oh, and in a totally unrelated observation, our Ob-Gyn is a very youthful-looking woman. Lalala...

  12. I really really think this particular post should be nominated for Most Hilarious Blog Post of 2009 or something.
    You're frikkin talented, man!

  13. Thank you for saying so, Maverix.