Tuesday, April 4, 2006

The Danger of a Single Man

It had been a long, trying day. By 9:30pm, Roma was already feeling the effects of the day's event weighing down on her. "Why do they always kick up such a fuss whenever they travel?" Roma thought to herself. When she left her little shanty or Catihan in East Java last year, she pretty much just upped and left. No pomp. No splendour. No nothing.

As she recounted her own bittersweet journey into an unknown land so many moons ago, she drifted off into a deep slumber; into a land of dreams where she was the top two contender of Indonesian Idol.

Roma was doing her final song of the night - the judges' choice. She had slayed the crowd with her riveting rendition of Hetty Koes Endang's "Benci Tapi Rindu" during classics week and it was time for her to shine again this night. Roma stepped off onto the stage as the band began to play. Her hair was done all long and frizzy just like Hetty in her heyday and she wore that same off-shoulder number that Hetty wore on her Pop Melayu album cover. It was gonna be her night. And it was, until the unimaginable happened.

As Roma negotiated the steps onto the stage the 4-inch heel that she had chosen to compensate for her lack of altitude had come back to haunt her. She fell forward and to her horror, the microphone flung out of her hand and went "thump-thump-thump". And the cruel audience laughed their collective asses off. "Thump-thump-thump," the sound of the mike echoed. And again it went, getting louder, and louder each time.

"THUMP-THUMP-THUMP!" Roma was startled out of her sleep. It was the door!

"Roma," she hears her employer's voice from behind the closed door. He then mumbles something indistinct.

"Shit, the horny bastard wants in," Roma thinks to herself, "one night without Madam and he tries his luck!" A sense of impending doom filled her heart and quickly scrambles to pull on a sweater and whatever articles of clothing she could find.

"ROMA!" the voice behind the door was now getting louder and more agressive. "Ya, Tuan?" she asks timidly as she huddles into a corner of the room, pulling the covers over her fearful, quivering body. She wouldn't stand a chance against him, she analyses as she cursed her mother for bestowing her with a small frame and a pretty face. Yes, it was indeed a pretty face, she thought as her mind drifted back to 1999 when, at 17, she won the Ratu Cantik Catihan held during the annual harvest festival.

Her employer, however, had the makings of a large disgusting pig. And by now, the gargantuan walking pork chop was pounding at the door.

"I'll smack his fat head off into the middle of last Christmas," Roma thinks as she picks up the largest pillow in the room and hides it behind her back. She gulps down the knot in her throat as she slowly approach the door, pillow firmly in her hand. Slowly she reaches out to the door knob and twists it, opening the door with caution as it slowly reveals the great hulking mass of lard looming over her.

Her employer's lips curled into a snarl and then he spoke. "Cepat, ambik diaper," he said as he pointed to the only pack of diapers left in the entire house.


  1. Phew....I was on the edge of my chair until I read 'Cepat, ambik diaper' but still I fell of the chair, this time from laughing.

  2. LOL! good one!
    try laying out some diapers at every corner of the house lah instead of banging on Roma's door... scary lah for her given your pork chop aroma :P

  3. Aha. Still as melodramatic as ever eh? ;)

  4. lol eh eh... someone's been getting an overdose of Homecoming play reviews..:D
    Cannot change diaper yourself one ar?? Men!

  5. suspense like dunno what..
    but creative writing due to the 5 day DVD festival ah? what have you been watching?

  6. Well...Roma is kinda pretty... :lol:

  7. I'm more amazed by the fact you can't change your kid's diaper. o_O

  8. And the Drama King of the Malaysian Blogosphere award goes to.... (drum roll).... James of Loopy Meals! (clap clap clap, the crowd goes wild) :P

  9. :lol: Lilian, you were not hoping for a saucy ending were you?
    Thank you MamaBok.
    Hahah... we usually have lah, Egghead. But for some reason this week we had none left.
    As ever, Mumsgather. :)
    Jayelle, where in the world did you come up with the conclusion that I can't change diapers.
    Ugh, the 5-day DVD Fest didn't quite turn out like I anticipated, Paul! More on that.
    Bonnie: Euwwww....
    Silly Pat, don't make me come there and smack you. I asked for a diaper. And I changed him myself. :P

  10. hehehehe whuaaa so the creative all over a diaper?? hehehe well if u could smell kfc out of a kids butt then nothing is unusual hehehe

  11. I knew that there's a "udang di sebalik batu" wan.

  12. wah! very dramatic story! but felt cheated at the ending. :)

  13. Why can't you fetch the freaking diaper yourself ah? So drama... :lol:

  14. :lol: :lol: :lol:
    Love the "Haram punya babi tuan!" Bollywood drama!

  15. Haha! You perli Roma ah? Make up stories pulak. So how many DVDs have you watched so far?

  16. do tell us what happened to the 5day DVD fest.. waiting for the news..

  17. Just love it when you go sot-sot over your stories... make something so normal so thrilling :D

  18. why is the only diaper pack in her room?????

  19. why is the only diaper pack in her room?????

    because if it was in uncle james' room, aunty mae will just poke him and ask him to do it.
    but if it's in roma's room, uncle james can say .. "oh i can't enter... breech of privacy" XD

  20. Ah yes, Buaya. But credits to my wonderful wife, child and domestic administrative assistant.
    The smell makes you woozy and you hallucinate, Visithra.
    "Udang", Babysmooches!?
    :lol: You mean you prefer the sordid ending, Lucia?!
    Bonnie, fetching it myself would involve secretly unlocking her door and sneaking into her room... :lol:
    Anjali!!!! Hahahahahahahahahah!
    Not nearly enough, Primrose!
    That'll be 50 sen please, Babe.
    It was more like a 5-DVD Festival, Paulos.
    Glad you enjoyed that, Sue.
    We usually have Jesse's diaper bag out in the living room, MOTT. But that day, for some reason, she left the whole bag in her room... Hmm....
    Hahah, I like the way you think, Leo!
    No? Gina? Hehehhehh!

  21. ... double U ... tee ... eff?!?
    lol yes I am back to haunt you. Been much going on lately in the Cross household. *sigh* Baby Stewie crawling now and has 6 teeth at currently 7 months.
    :) Good to be back.

  22. i love to read your blog coz of your good writting skills... ehehe, good one!

  23. Welcome back, Gwen.
    Thankies, Beckz!

  24. I had a 10 day DVD, Mech Warrior, Colin McRae, Sleep, Eat Fest recently
    it came with a price.. PAIN... hahaha. was down and out with a bad ankle, knee and elbow problem.
    So there's only so many DVDs that I have and could watch. sigh. couldn't buy any new DVDs.. *sigh*

  25. let him go "rambo" for a day ler..LOL!