Last Friday I was at work when Mae calls. "Roma got possessed," Mae was flustered and frantic, "she was writhing on the floor, crying and wailing!"
Apparently, Satan had invaded my mother-in-law's home. Despite the pious woman's daily devotions to God, His age-old nemesis had struck. Mom-in-law brought in the calvary - her sis. Together the two ladies and Mae prayed over our demon-possessed Roma.
"I still feel an eerie presence," Roma said, having calmed down a little. Despite the prayers, this one was here to stay.
By the time we got home that night, she still felt a little strange. I knew what I had to do. It was my turn to show this demon who boss around here.
"Kita orang Cina percaya," I explained our Chinese beliefs to Roma, "kalau hantu sudah masuk, dia tak mau keluar." Once the demon has found a way in, it would never leave. Brave little Roma didn't even flinch at this suggestion.
"We'll have to violently beat it out of you," I continued. I turned to Mae and demonstrated how Master Leong Fu had shown me during my apprenticeship with him in the Shaolin Temple of Kwai Chang Caine. Grab the possessed by the neck with the Furious Dragon Gripping Claw and administer repeated blows across the face with Palm of Buddha Slap of Death.
And just like that, without even laying a hand on her, at the sound of my Thunderous Voice of Doom the devil left Roma as quickly as he had come. And the truth was revealed.
The girl had wanted to breach her employment contract to go home to her family and she decided to use the oldest trick in the book - that book being the Indonesian Maid's Dirty Tricks Guide to Breach of Employment Contract. Still, we decided not to embarrass her for her dumbass attempts to pull a fast one. No one should ever have to feel ashamed for missing home.
And so, once again, the Furious Dragon Gripping Claw and the Palm of Buddha Slap of Death will be laid to rest until a time when it is needed once again.