OK, this one is really gonna gross you out. I hate walking into a public toilet to find someone's shit still in the toilet bowl. It pisses me off royally.
So anyway, Sunday I was at the spanking new Digital Mall in Sec 14, PJ when I decided to take a whizz. I walk into the cubicle nearest to the toilet entrance and readied myself to do my deed, when lo and behold, inside the sparkling white ceramic bowl was the biggest pile of turd I had ever seen.
Instinctively, I headed for the door to choose another cubicle, but being the nice guy that I was, I decided to flush the john before I left. Simply because it was the decent thing to do.
I pulled the lever and watched a flood of water spiral into the bowl. Meanwhile I position myself for a quick escape should the water suddenly flood over in case there was a blockage. But no, the water flowed smoothly and rapidly and trickled to a stop, the bubbling and splashing now slowing. As I waited to see the result of my community service, I began rationalised to myself that there was no more a need to use another cubicle since this one was now clean.
But no. This was no ordinary pile of shit. This is shit from hell. Not only did it not flush away, it remained intact and in the exact same position I had first discovered it. It did not even crumble under the pressure of the water as regular shit usually does.
I looked at it, bewildered. The pieces were long and thick. While ordinary mortals' excrement resembled one of those large sausages, this one had the girth of a large cucumber. So large that it would have taken a large asshole to expel this gargantuan dump.
Who was the perpetrator? And for crying out loud, what in hell did he eat!? Did he suffer any injury to his ass at such a momentous task? Will his feces still be there next week? How will the cleaners clean this up?
Questions that keep me up at nights.