The Science of Chinese Mothers

I remember vividly during one of our Ante-Natal classes before Jesse came about. Dr. Musa, a Pediatrician popular amongst many parents, was addressing the class.

"You Chinese mothers are obsessed with water," he said, venting out in frustration at how the Chinese always insist on feeding their babies water. "There's water in his milk," he reasoned, half pleading in his last ditched attempt to talk some sense into the predominantly Chinese crowd.

I shook my head in pity. Poor Dr. Musa fails to understand that the Laws of the Universe will suspend itself for the Chinese Mother. Allow me to present my short thesis on Water & the Science of Chinese Mothers.

WATER & THE SCIENCE OF CHINESE MOTHERS

Chemistry
The chemical composition of water is dynamically altered when combined with any powdered beverage, especially baby milk formula. Under such a circumstance, water no longer retains its property as a radical and is rendered ineffective as a hydrating agent. The effects are similar in any instances where good flavour is added to water. The opposite is true when bad flavour, such as the bitterness of Chinese herbs, are combined with water. As a conclusion, any water that taste good can never be considered water by the Chinese mother, while anything that is crappy is still water.

Physics
Exposed to extreme cold temperatures of 0°Celcius and below, thermodynamics dictates that water transforms, abandoning its liquid characteristic to attain its new solid form of ice. Consumed into the human body and exposed to body temperatures of 37°Celcius beyond the melting point of ice however, does not transform this new substance back into water. Therefore it should be rejected any notion that suggests the consumption of ice is equal to the consumption of water. Water in any form that may be fun can never be considered water by the Chinese mother.

Biology
The Chinese human body is composed of more than 70% water, and therefore no consumption of water may be adequate for the Chinese infant or child. The ideal balance for the Chinese child would be a biological composition of 99% water and 1% child. Water in any quantity less than overly-abundant can never be considered sufficient.

In the interest of your general well-being and to ensure a continued supply of sex at home, the Chinese father must quickly embrace The Science of Chinese Mothers. Coming next, The Intellect of Chinese Mothers-In-Law, a short thesis that debunks the myth than any medical or nutritional degree may surpass the wisdom of the average Chinese Mother-In-Law.

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