Wednesday, March 7, 2007

7 Tips For Choosing Your Maid

Come May, Roma's contract expires and it would be time for her to go home. And so today, Mae and I went to the agency to select a new maid. While the process is not an exact science, there are rules to follow. Remember you read it here first:

  1. Always look at the eyes. If your maid looks psychotic, she probably is and will castrate your husband and kill you in your sleep should you ever piss her off.
  2. Beware the slut. If your maid looks slutty, she probably is and will seduce your husband, your postman, your garbage collector and your neigbourhood bread man. On the other hand, your mails will never get lost, your garbage bin will be spotless and you get free bread.
  3. Guess her age. If your maid is 25, she is probably only 19. If she is 21, then you're looking at a minor. But if she's 28, then she's probably 48. If she's older than 30, chances are she's older than your mother-in-law and will probably behave like her too.
  4. No beauty queens. If your maid is hot, you might find your bastard husband sneaking off to her room in the middle of the night. And suddenly you'll wonder why your brothers, father-in-law and your male cousins are visiting you so often.
  5. Size does matter. A heavily built maid or one with a large frame will most certainly overpower you in a power struggle. Your death will be senseless and stupid, but most deserving.
  6. Maid in Malaysia. If your maid has been to Malaysia a lot, chances are she would have established an underground network of renegade maids who will overthrow your household and take you hostage.
  7. Outgoing type. If your maid has indicated in her biodata that she prefers working at eateries, she'll probably run away from your home to work at the local Pub Dangdut. If she's hot and slutty too, you can be sure your bastard husband will suddenly acquire a taste for Dangdut.


  1. Eh, this one posted by Mae or you??? So much talk about b*stard husbands and mothers-in-law... :lol:

  2. first rule should be... don't get one! :P

  3. OMG hahahaha this is utmost hilarious

  4. Haha... thanks for the tips. We are looking for a new one too!

  5. eh..why u keep calling yourself bastard?

  6. your post had me in stitches! :D

  7. Hahaha definitely sounds like sth mae would say... but it has james's wittyness lei... dunno lah.
    if roma's good, why not extend the contract for another 1 or 2 years? a good help is not easy to come by.
    Out of curiousity, would u guys have maids who eye for guys or maids who are lesbians? I knw the qn sounds a bit shallow lor, but what if the new maid eyes Mae insteaD?

  8. :lol: Kat, I'm just trying to think like a woman, that's all. Hahah!
    Wish I could, Eggy. But I'm more comfortable with a maid than a babysitter.
    You want funny, Babe, you should go with me to the agency. Kakaka!
    Yes, I see you're having problems with your current one, Bonnie!
    *piak* MOTT!
    I'll start a cover charge, SC! :lol:
    She's good, Amydoll, but she doesn't wanna stay. As for your second question, if the new maid is a lesbian who will pounce on Mae, then I want her to be hot... heheh...

  9. ah... foreign maids... the surest sign of affluency in malaysia. or at least ascendency into affluency. :)

  10. Any place is good enough to say....
    Welcome to PUSHING FORTY!

  11. LOL!!
    Yeah. Happy pushing 40, James! So, gonna get a new hot and slutty maid to celebrate? LOL!

  12. Hi, thank you for joining the bloggers party, sorry if any inconvenience during the party :)

  13. In point no. 2, what happens to the husband? ;P

  14. hahahow about tips to choose a pweety wife like yrs?

  15. Hi. You've just been tagged!

  16. Nolah, Simon. More like sign that hubby's pay not enuff to support whole family. :lol:
    Shine: I'm not pushing, idiot. I'm slipping into it gracefully.
    Already arranged for one, Gina. Woohoo...
    Hey Kenny, good job lah, you flers.
    Primrose, husband's needs taken care off. Wife can sleep early or watch Ugly Betty all night long.
    :lol: Sasha, that's like saying, "This kind of face also can get pweety wife ah?" :lol: Check with your hubby lah, his wife also cun wat. ;P
    Arrrrggghhhh noooooo, Mumsgather!!!
    Indeed, Yvonne. :)