Another Shitty Story

Babies cry whenever they wet themselves or when they've soiled their diapers. It's a normal behaviour for babies. Unfortunately for us, Jesse is anything but normal.

For some reason, these days, whenever he's taken a poop, he's the best behaved baby in the whole world. He'd be good-natured, quiet and he'd be smiling from ear to ear at the slightest thing. Save for the smell of shit, he'd be all adorable and cute. We can't quite figure it out. Maybe the feeling of a nice steaming pile of turn on your ass is more comforting than we give it credit for. Heh!

So here's the dilemma: The kid is the best little baby in the world, but he's got poop on his ass. Do we leave the poop there and continue to enjoy our wonderful baby? Or do we behave like responsible parents, clean him up and take our chances with his ensuing behaviour? Despite the temptation, we change him. And that's when all hell breaks loose.

He'll scream at the top of his lungs at the most grating decible. He'll thresh about, trying to turn onto his belly. He'll kick like a wild stallion. And in this state, he's impossible to pacify. And as if that didn't sucked enough, we'd have to contend with flying shit. *sigh* It pisses me off no end! And since this has got to do with his bowel movements, it's pretty much a daily affair. Things were much simpler in the early days.

Some days I have this fantasy where I grab a pile of his doody and smear it all over his face. "Eat this, boy!" That ought to shut him up good. Hahhahah....

Shit. I think I need therapy.

My First Workout

On Friday, I went for my first workout at my new gym (see previous post). To start me off, they were relatively easy on me. For a gym full of competition bodybuilders, 35 minutes on the bike was probably a cinch. "I can do this," I thought.

I thought.

Five minutes in and my thighs were burning up. Shit. How was I gonna get through all 35 minutes of this? But the tenth minute, my throat was so parched I though I'd collapse of dehydration or something. Meanwhile, Wak Ali, the 50-year-old ex-Mr Asia was right behind me having a take-out lunch with his wife. On the other corner of the gym, one other guy was working out. I thought to myself, if I quit now, they're gonna notice. And as I contemplated my next course of action, the minutes went by.

"Keep going, you fat lump of shit!" Wak Ali yelled from across the room. Okay, so he didn't quite say that. Heh! Instead, he asked me to step it up a notch or two. And before I knew it, my 35 minutes were up. Hallelujah!!! It couldn't have been sooner because, apart from the incredible strain on my legs, the bike seat was murder on my ass! It was the longest 35 minutes of my life.

Then Wak Ali sat down to talk. I'd have to diet - for six months. And he gave me the run down:

Breakfast
Toast. Wholemeal only. No butter. But I can have Diabetic Jam (no added sugar) and I can have eggs. As many as I like as long as I take only one yolk.

Lunch
White rice. No gravy. I can have curry fish if I like, but the only gravy I get is what's on the fish. *sigh* And a green apple. And if I should get hungry afterwards, see breakfast.

Dinner
Rice - preferably Ponni Rice. And steam veggies.Same like breakfast except that I can also eat Chicken or Fish - roasted or steamed and minus ckicken skin.

But it's not all bad. I can have KFC, minus the skin. I can drink coffee as long as it's black. That means no sugar. Milo-O is okay too. So, it's really just common sense, I guess. But Wak Ali did specify no more Char Kuey Teow. *sniff* But I suppose it's all good. The logic is this; if I see some results, I'm less likely to quit. Boy, it's gonna be a long, long ride. Tomorrow is day 2. Wish me luck.

Note: Apparently, we need carboshydrates to burn fat. So I guess the Atkins diet isn't gonna work out!

Update: Turns out that I was mistaken about dinner. Lunch is the only time to eat carbs. That means no rice for dinner. Also, there'll be no more red meat for me for the next six month. *sigh* Oh, and in case you're wondering, today's workout was a little better. 45 minutes on the bike and it didn't feel too bad. I also did 10 minutes of Twisting and 5 minutes of Side Bends. Wak Ali promises those will hurt by tomorrow. *gulp*

Gym Rat

A couple of days ago, I signed up at a gym. Yay! This is one of the most positive things I've done in a long time. I'm so proud of myself. Somebody give me a pat on the head. :)

Anyway, it's a small gym, one of those Mom & Pop operations started by this aging beefcake bodybuilder dude who's got a few titles under his belt. After reading Mei's (not Mae) experiences with FF, I decided to stay away from these overly-commercial establishments. Besides, this one is just across the street from my office, so I know I won't find too many excuses about not going.

Anyway, before you know it, before I even started on my first session, I'm already counting my six-pack before they develop. "Muahahahha... I'm gonna be buff," I tell Mae. And the whole conversation was, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that.

"You better get them to give you a diet program as well," Mae interrupted. "No way!" I retorted, "I'm gonna eat like a pig and workout like a dog!"

"Yah," Mae snapped, "and behave like a monkey!"

"Just you wait," I warned her. "When I'm all buff and stuffed, I'm gonna manhandle you. Bwahahahhaha!" Oh boy. I just can't wait. And I won't have to. Today will be my first session. In fact, I'm going as soon as I submit this entry. Hopefully, I will survive to talk about it.

Back In

Lately, Jesse's developed this annoying little habit. Sometimes when he's pissed off or frustrated or even when he's sleepy, he likes to rub his face violently against anyone who's carrying him. Violently!

It's like his nose is possessed by some kind of demon and he's trying to rip the evil right off his face. He's practically grinding his little face away burying himself, on our shoulders, chest, at our neck, depending how we're carrying him. And he can go on and on until he runs out of oxygen and has to come up for air.

Sometimes when he's down on the floor, he'd climb up onto one of us and rub his face into our thigh or our crotch, whichever is more accessible. Those times, he'd usually come out sooner for air. Hahhahah! I'm kidding, of course. My wife and I have sweet smelling crotches.

One day, while lying with Mae on the sofa, he gets up to his nonsense again. And he's grinding violently against Mae's groin.

"Jesse-boy, what are you doing?" Mommy cooed to her little boy. Then, in typical Mae-fashion, she added, "Trying to get back in?"

Hahhahahha! With parents like us, it's hardly surprising if he was.

Maid In Indonesia

Mae and I finally succumbed to the pressures of parenthood. After 7 months of roughing it out, juggling childcare and career, bringing Jesse to the officewe're finally paying for a little help. Despite our previous reservations, we've finally come to a workable solution. A live-in maid could help with the upkeep of the house and in the daytime, she could follow Mae to work, to help with the babysitting.

"Can you go to the website and pick out a maid," Mae told me. She hates making decisions like these. "I'd rather you decide," I answered diplomatically, remembering all those instances of indiscretion between male employers and their domestic help. This is a delicate issue.

"Well, at least tell me what kind of maid you want," Mae snapped, getting impatient with my non-committal answer. "Can you just tell me if you prefer Young or Old or Married or Divorced or whatever?" And so, I answered in the only way I knew how.

"Sexy one got ah?"

Hehhehh. Our maid arrives from Indonesia in a couple of months. She will be Mae's choice, of course. And no, she will probably not be sexy.

Heh-Chien vs Ho-Chien

oyster schmoyster

One of the most popular places to eat in Taiping is surely the Taiping Casual Market, a hawker center located at the bottom of the Larut Matang departmental store along Jalan Panggong Wayang. With a heckuva lot of stalls operating, halal on one end and non-halal on the other, you can always find something interesting to eat.

Twenty years of living in Taiping and I only stumbled on Heh-Chien only after I leave town. *sigh*

Heh-Chien is not unlike Ho-Chien. While the latter is an oyster and starch flour omellete, Heh-Chien is shrimp-based. Take 20 or so fresh shrimps in a light starch-flour batter, stir-fry it with fresh chives (kuchai) and break in a couple of eggs and you'll have a winning formula. It's elementary! And delicious to boot. I'm just surprised that not more Ho-Chien stalls are doing this.

Some of you purists might scowl at the thought of shrimps instead of oysters but the fact is not too many people can stomach the strong fishy smell of oyster. And so shrimps are the natural choice. Shrimps are delicious. They're sweet and springy and you never run the risk of biting into something nasty.
Stall No.77 does really well here. Their end result is an omelette that is crispy on the outside and soft and creamy on the inside - a welcome assault on the tastebuds. This dish also comes with a garlic-chilli-vinegar sauce that complements the Heh-Chien perfectly.

Of course, all said, I really can't say if this is the best Heh-Chien ever simply because I haven't sampled this dish anywhere else. So if anyone knows anywhere else selling the stuff, point the way and I'm there. Meanwhile, I'll continue to savour this one in Taiping.

Ahhhh... I should never have left Taiping. Coming up, more reasons to stay put in Taiping. Stay tuned.

Taiping Zoo

"are we there yet?"

Last Sunday: "Honey, how about we bring Jesse to the Zoo?" Mae lit up with excitement. "He could really enjoy the experience." But I knew it wasn't really true. Mae just loves it at the Taiping Zoo.

And you can't blame her, really. The zoo in Taiping in one of the highlights of this old town. With over 180 species of animals in a 34-acre plot, the Zoo is quite a sight to behold. With its open, no-cage concept, the place diplays the animals in their natural habitat separated only by moats and light fencing. Going there is practically like taking a walk in the Jungle. And there's always the thrill that some Lion might leap out of its enclosure and maul you to death. Or the excitement that the Elephants might stampede through their barriers and crush you into a pulp. Mmmm... nice!

Anyway there was no convincing Mae. When it came to the Taiping Zoo, Mae's animal instincts take over. And you can never stop the woman when she's decided to pay a visit to her relatives. Not even the impending rainfall would dampen her spirits. "We'll just take a quick one!" she insists. So, we go - Mae, Jesse, my Mom and Me!

Entrance was RM4 a pop. Mom gets in at half price on account of her senior-citizen status. And yes, it did drizzle a little. So we ended up taking a train ride. Which was unfortunate since the moving train did not allow for any nice photography. But all in all, it was a fun outing for us adults. Jesse, on the other hand, was probably just wondering what the fuss was all about. :)

Oh well, maybe next year.