I love beer. I love everything about it. The bitter-ish taste. The malt-ish aroma. I love the foam. I love how the foam stays on my upper lip everytime I take a swig. I love how cold beer feels colder than any cold beverage in the world. I also love how, when I down an entire mug non-stop, I get a little tipsy and my brains feels like a block of ice. And I especially love how beer makes me burp big time.
Beer, in my opinion, is the quintessential macho-man beverage. It's the drink for the everyman. It isn't elitist like wine. And it doesn't have the namby-pambiness of a bottle of cooler or one of those designer sweet soda-beer you get in the clubs these days. And it sure isn't as depressive as whisky, or as pretentious as brandy or as pansy as a tequila. Beer is cheap and it taste like fizzy piss (I'm guessing, okay) and that's good enough for me. I'm a man's man and I like to talk shit and drink piss. So as you can imagine, if your wife forbids you to drink beer at home that's as good as her grabbing you by the family jewels and slicing them off.
"It can't be good for your liver," Mae justifies. Of course she also lectures me about my... erm... fluctuating health! And she reminds me that I'm a daddy now. And so I agree to stop stocking up the fridge with beer. And then one day, I stumbled on the product that would change my life forever. Clausthaler Non-Alcoholic Beer! *gasp*
Made by the very people who gave you BMW and Claudia Schiffer, this product of clever German engineering has everything that you could want in a beer but is 100% alcohol-free. As I swigged down a mouthful of the familiar golden goodness, tears welled up in my eyes. My manhood has been restored. Well, almost.
So I won't be getting tipsy but I'd still be letting rip those super burps that I love so much. And I can drink and drive. Heck, I can drive while drinking the stuff! You win some and you lose some. *sigh* But it's all good. :)
Now, if only someone will invent low-cholesterol Fried Chicken.
Clausthaler retails for RM2.09 at SaveMart in SS2. Elsewhere, it's going for about RM2+. Cheap!