Dressed To Kill

On Sunday, our church celebrated it's 25th anniversary. Being the silver jubilee, we were pretty much asked to dress up. Which was probably a good idea since most of us church folks are so simple that we're bordering on sloppy. I speak for myself of course, since Mae is fair too vain to be sloppy.

Anyway the dresscode was formal. Mae was dressed to kill. So was I, though in an entirely different way.

Mae had on a short little black cheongsam. Me, I wore a cheap black polyester suit which I had bought many, many years ago. To make sure I got the full slimming effect (God knows I need it), I opted for a black shirt and a gaudy gold tie (Okay, so it's the only one I have that hasn't gone out of fashion entirely). And for that extra cool, I left the suit jacket buttons open.

Okay! Okay! So the damn jacket's getting a little too small for me. The last time I wore it was during our wedding. Back then it fit me just fine, with all the appropriate slack in all the right places. This time, however, if I buttoned up I'd look like an overweight buffalo with bad polyester skin.

Sometimes I pity Mae. She married this tall, dark and handsome young man Okay, so maybe not tall and handsome but I was a whole lot slimmer then and probably more pleasantless repulsive to the eye. These days, she wakes up with an overgrown hippo with a bad haircut. I've put on so much weight I even disgust myself sometimes. And I guess subconsciously, I started depriving myself of stuff - like a new wardrobe. Which explains the gaudy gold tie from 6 seasons back!

I have to do something. But you know what they say: The spirit is willing but the flesh is too damn massive to get moving. I better drag my ass to a gym while I can still fit in their front door. Here's hoping.