Thursday, March 31, 2005

All Shook Up

Tuesday was a helluva day.

At 2am, Jesse woke up crying for his feed. Elsewhere, Malaysians everywhere we feeling the aftershocks of the earthquake in Sumatra. But here in our apartment block, the most earth-shattering event was Jesse's wailing. Otherwise, it was an uneventful night. After Jesse's feed, I tried to get back to sleep. I was about to doze off when, suddenly, I felt a tightness across my chest.

"Shit!" I thought. "I'm having a heart attack!!!" And suddenly, all kinds of thoughts filled my head. I remembered KC's blog on heart attacks. I remembered Gina's mail about her boss' 34-year-old friend who died of a cardiac arrest over the weekend. I remembered I had just turned 34. And feelings of "impending doom" consumed me.

In my youth, I would have stared death in the face and laughed. But that day, I was chickenshit. I was mortified. I was mortified, not so much at the thought of meeting my maker, but at the thought that my son might have to grow up without his father. And for the first time in my life, I was afraid to die.

That's when I realised how much I had changed. Had the same thing happened 5 years ago, I would have just thumped my chest a couple of times, downed a can of cold beer and go back to bed. But that day, I prayed for my life.

The very next day, I went for an ECG. Then I saw a heart specialist. Today, I got a complete medical check-up (which is worthy of a blog-entry of its own!). Perhaps I'm over-reacting a little, but the event on that Tuesday morning made me realise that staying alive is the least I can do for Jesse and Mae. And as the world was shaken by the earthquake in Indonesia, I was a little more than rattled by my little episode. How's that for perspective?

I did not wake Mae that night. One more symptom and I might have. Instead, I prayed. "Dear Lord, please spare me," I whispered to the Big Guy in the sky. "Let me watch my son grow up," and in case Mae was listening I added, "... and my wife grow old." Dying or not, I was always quick with the good saves. *ahem*

Incidentally, it wasn't a cardiac arrest. The doctors (there's been three so far) are convinced that my heart is fine. They are, however, also unanimous in their opinion that I need to haul my lazy ass off to a gym. *sigh* Anyway, results of today's check up come out in 10 days. I'll be keeping them fingers crossed.


  1. I guess when we're young we think we are invincible but as we get older we are more aware of our own mortality, especially when we have people to live for and a lot to look foward to. Glad it wasn't anything serious. Gyms nowadays all sprouting up in kl, but dang I think I'll look silly with stretch pants among all the other muscled studs there. Do take care :D

  2. hope u r all well, james. wish u the best of health.

  3. Wising you the best of health. Take care of yourself dude! Among such things, you still can crank me up "and my wife grow old..."

  4. i know how you feel. i went thru similar thots. mine was worse. there were jabbing pains in my heart instead of the chest! taking good care of myself now. and yes, you better haul your ass for some exercise. try gardening ;)

  5. or, just try to walk fast whenever you walk. or swim. your apt got swimming pool, right? i cant deny that going to gym is good, but somehow it takes time which we should spend with the family.

  6. Cut down on the CKT and BKT already! :)

  7. Thanks 9. Doing the best I can.
    Kervin, if I wore stretch pants they'll ban me for life. :lol:
    Thanks BabeKL.
    You know what they say, Jason. Laughter is the best medicine.
    Gardening eh, Belacan? Hmm... I doubt I'll get too much exercise doing that since I live in a condo.
    Good point. Unless I can find time to do it during lunch hours, Hazel. :)
    Oh no, AhPink. I'd sooner die. Hehhh... I'm kidding. I suppose I should. *sigh*

  8. Yeah, I agree with your docs and think it's time you started going to the gym, hehehe... May He grant you good health to your old age. Hope your results turn out ok.

  9. yes yes yes james....i agreed with jotay. you better start exercise now. fyi, no matter how busy i am, i still find time to go to gym at least once a week. and i do yoga too....hopefully with all these exercise, i can stay fit, healthy and forever young, phew !

  10. Take care James! I hope the results come out ok!

  11. Go easy on CKT and your latest cravings of Old Chang Kee. We are not getting any younger.

  12. James, take care.
    similar with twinsdad leh, got me so worry.
    wife and husband are like left hand and right hand, less one hand also a no no.

  13. Thanks Jotay. And yes, I think I can't escape the gym any longer.
    Ah, forever young eh, Beauty. Right now, I'd just settle from growing old with my health intact. :)
    Thanks, Ariel. Hopefully all will be ok.
    Sigh* I realised that when I noticed I could no longer do the things I did in my youth, Gina.
    Twinsmoms, lose one finger also susah already. Will take care. Thanks.