Fatherhood is daunting. At this point in my life, being at the brink of such a huge responsibility scares me no end. What does it take to be a good father?
I never did have much of a relationship with my father. He left when I was only still a baby. And so I grew up pretty much without a father in my life. The few times that he WAS in my life had been moments best forgotten. We just never got along.
God came into my life when I was 29. Suddenly I discover the Father I never knew. And yet I had my issues with This One as well.
"Where were You?" I needed to know. "Where were you when life was so shitty?"
No answer. No explanation. Nothing.
At 29, I was an angry young man. Too angry to see any good in my life. To angry to notice that God had been there all along.
He was there when mom tried to abort me. He was there on my 10th birthday when a few 17 year-old tenants at our house helped mom throw me the biggest birthday party of my life. He was there when I decided to go to design school. He was there when I got my first job. He was there when I met Mae. And he was there when we caught the first glimpse of Baby.
No explanation. Just a couple of revelations every now and then. And only whenever I ask.
For many years, I held a grudge in my heart towards dad. I was angry that he left. I was angry that he kept disappointing me. But I realised that most of all, I was angry that he was so... human.
And The Other One was so... God.
Today I'm on talking terms to them both - minus the anger. We don't have the ideal relationship but we're working on it. We're communicating. Perhaps that's all it takes to be a good father.
Happy Father's Day.